Still suicidal, 32, alone, isolated, hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by arete, Mar 18, 2009.

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  1. arete

    arete Member

    I'm still suicidal, living mostly as a recluse, isolated, overweight, without a job, a community, a belonging to anything, a home, an income, a profession, any prospects, hope for the future, no friends, no boyfriend, no prospect of meeting a boyfriend (I'm 32 and not sufficiently attractive or affluent in the area in which I currently reside, have never been asked out on a date), am not on good terms with my family (nor have their respect), am not respected in this society (and likely others, not having done anything interesting or important or worthwhile with my life), uninterested in the shallowness of this society, cannot find a single person with whom to have an intelligent conversation, and no one who values, admires, or respects me, or deems important or worthwhile my thoughts and what I have to say, or finds me attractive, or appreciates me for who I really am. I think suicide is inevitable, but would like to chat with someone who might relate for a different perspective. I'm disgusted with myself (but for the depth with which I think about various intellectual topics, which is unappreciated and undervalued), how society views me, and very tired of trying to become the sort of person that is respected and appreciated in this mindless, classist, discriminatory culture. My only window into the world is the internet, through which I can only hope to achieve a more worldly perspective or connect with someone, yet cannot. I'm alone and deemed worthless by the people who live around me, deemed worthless by friends and family, not valued for everything I've worked for and pursued up until now. I am perpetually disliked by people for a variety of reasons and cannot talk with anyone about my thoughts. I feel that my life is over and that no one sufficiently cares about ensuring that I stay alive in any meaningful way. I've tried to connect with people over the internet, but to no avail. No one is meaningfully interested in a stranger discuss her possible suicide, or about the details of my life, or my thoughts and feelings. My talents are underdeveloped and No one is interested, nor takes interest in me. I'm invisible, without consequence, and an embarassment to my neighborhood, in which I do not belong. There was a time when I thought that I was a good writer, which is clearly not the case any more, since I apparently have no writing skills or a good vocabulary, and have the prose of a 20-year-old, due to the way in which I had to speak with the members of the community of the uneducated, non-literate, unevolved, provincial town in which I grew up.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2009
  2. SadButterfly

    SadButterfly New Member

  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Arete,
    Welcome to the forum!! If it's people you want to talk to then you have come to the right place.. You will find similarities in all of us..You are a very articulate writer. You should not give up on your dreams.. There are two forums here you might be interested in. 1) is the members diary and2) is the poetry forum..
    I am always available to talk with because my life revolves around this forum because I am an isolationist. I live in my bedroom 24/7. I only come out to go to appointments or to the grocery store. I have to do these things early in the morning before they get to crowded..
    I'm not as educated as you but I am a good listener. I know you will make many friends here.Take care!!
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Indeed Welcome Arete!!!!!

    Yes, you will find friends here. People who can relate with what you are feeling.

    Heck, we wouldnt be here, if we werent all there.

    Don't sweat the boyfriend thing. He will come around. There are more guys out there looking for a woman, than vice versa, I think.

    And never know. I'd ask you out on a date, but am quite sure we are many. many miles apart. made a lost of points in your post. I will just say that you need to hang in there. You have most definately found the right place.

    Take care!
  5. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    Okay since you stressed on having no one intelligent enough to talk we, let's talk it out :smile:

    A little bit of my background for you and others to know. Top academic results from my uni with a scholarship Very early 30s, lost everything, lost hope. Recovered. Two years ago, lost everything, lost hope. At present moment, lost almost everything (due to global economic conditions beyond my control), BUT GOT hope. (cos past experiences strengthened me) Whatever you mentioned, been there, gone through. so I think I can be your friend. pm me if interested. :D
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 18, 2009
  6. anonymous85

    anonymous85 New Member

    You're a very good writer, very articulate and your intelligence really comes through in your writing. I think you should consider taking a writing course at your local college and try and connect with people who share the same interests. I know it can be very difficult to get out into the community while depressed; are you in therapy and/or on antidepressants? It might be worth considering if things are too overwhelming right now.
  7. arete

    arete Member

    Thanks for your response--I'm living in a particularly mindless place, and unsure of whether I could stomach a writing class taught by amateurs; it tries my patience. Moreover, I'm employed. Thirdly, I'm living in a place (not of my own choosing) that places a premium on having a hardbody; I'm overweight and dismissed as a person every time I attempt to leave my home. I realize I'm being unfairly negative, perhaps, but I'm angry and frustrated about my situation and fail to see a way out. I have a law degree, if that at all sheds more light on my outlook and the sort of life I expected to live.
  8. crazychris

    crazychris Member

    You said in yor first pot that you're unepmloyed? Maybe a typo in this post or are you employed? Am confused.:rolleyes:

    WARUMONO Member

    I understand what you mean about people being mindless.
    Because I'm a hater of people =]
    And society in general.

    Which is why I think that maybe you should move. Get out of wherever you are and go somewhere better. Obviously you may or may not be able to afford doing that but this is coming from an extremely impulsive person.
    And I think that if you really want to find that appreciation and love and whatever else you're looking for - you will!
    You just can't stay in such a negative environment and be successful.
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