still suicidal. thinking every second

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Programvare, Mar 2, 2010.

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  1. Programvare

    Programvare Active Member

    Every damn second of my life I want to die, and I don't have any reason.
    The only thing holding me back is the reaction of my mom, brother and gf. gaaah I only want to disappear forever
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Hi there,

    It's really good you are thinking about consequences of actions like that, so good for you. I am though, however, very sorry to hear you are struggling much.

    Have you seen a doctor or got any sort of professional help?
     
  3. Programvare

    Programvare Active Member

    I go to a center for teens every week. Going tomorrow, but I'm usually exhausted every time I've been there and end up cutting and crying afterwards.
     
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Do they know that happens afterwards?

    When I did a day as an outpatient in a hospital once a week I would get home and sleep for ages because it IS exhausting doing things like that, so I'm not surprised you find it hard after, but I wonder if there is a way to change it or support you more.

    Does the centre help at all while you are there?
     
  5. Programvare

    Programvare Active Member

    They don't know that happens.
    Only been there twice, and they seem to change the person i speak to every time, and I recieved a letter there's a new lady tomorrow too. I'm fucking SICK of having to tell all the crap to different people every time, because it's extremely exhausting and difficult to relate to or get personal with.
     
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That must be very unsettling. Do they not keep files and records of you and what you say? Maybe its worth writing everything down, saving it to your comp and taking a copy each week so that if you get someone ne wyou can just hand the stuff over and don't have to keep going through it yourself. I would also suggest telling them that its unsettling and not beneficial for you to keep seeing different people who don't know your history and having to keep going over it again and again.
     
  7. Programvare

    Programvare Active Member

    I think they keep some kind of record because every time I'm at these centres they say like "yeah so i don't know you too much, but i know that you have been depressed. do you want to talk ... blabla". I'm gonna tell them everything tomorrow. But i'm not risking having anything on my pc. I barely dear read SF. But still, the doctors aren't my concern ... it's sort of different from the everyday-life. It doesn't matter where I am, who I'm with or what i'm doing because this is so far inside my head.
     
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