I don't know anymore. Do I even have the right to feel this way. It hurts, or maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'm just making this all up. Such a desperate attempt to be interesting. I thought, once, that I craved pain. Isn't that pretentious of me? Hah. This is stupid. I'm not even sure why I'm here. I'll just ramble, as I do all the time. But here I am. Still typing. Still talking. When it's over. When that time, that phase, passes it's like I was just being stupid. But while I'm feeling this way I know that I'm not just being a dumbfuck. And I'm being so obvious. At school, at home. And yet no one sees. And it hurts. Or maybe it doesn't. Let's face it. Even you, the person reading this, doesn't actually give a shit. I'm just a kid on the internet that sounds like I'm having a hard time. Maybe you'd find yourself caring about me. But only for a second. It'll fade. And if you're still reading this, I'm sorry for wasting your time. Because I'm not depressed. I have no reason to be. But I'm here. Because I don't know what else to do. It's been this way for a long time. Like many of you, I have thought of taking my own life. Don't give me that religion stuff. This'll just turn into a debate. haha. But I'm too much of a coward. I can't go through with it. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to die, I do but I also don't (isn't that weird). I have been like this since I was years younger than I am now. And I'm pretty young. The youngest I can remember me thinking of depressing thoughts was when I was eight years old. But everything just gets worse the more time passes. And now 'that' person will no longer be here to talk to me. How stupid of me. I told that person that I won't burden him anymore. Yet I keep reaching for the phone. I don't dial, mind you, 'cause that person's happy. I don't want to be in the way of that. That person, so cruel. To make me believe that it was okay. He made me open a door. And now I can't close it. I was fine before. I was getting by. Now I can't. It's so much harder.