Still wanting to

About three weeks ago, I decided tomorrow would be the day I would kill myself. Since then, I've spent 5 days on the inpatient psych unit and have had twice a week therapy sessions since I got out. I was supposed to do 3-4 weeks of all day day treatment, but my insurance sucks and I used all my mental health benefits on inpatient treatment. I actually felt ok the last couple of days when I was in the hospital, but since I got out, it's just as bad as it was before since I got out.

I see my psychiatrist today, and have therapy again tomorrow, and then am spending some time with a friend so that I am not alone all day. I'm also spending some time with her on Saturday, and with another friend on Sunday.

I'm exhausted. I've been feeling this way since the last week of June - since right before the first anniversary of my mom's death. And really, nothing has been right since Mom died last year. I'm just so tired of fighting.

 

I will be honest with them. I've been telling my therapist every session that I'm still suicidal.