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still wanting

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mpang123, Jan 20, 2014.

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  1. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I so want to make another attempt. The only thing holding me back is my stupid apartment rule that if i attempt one more time, I'll be evicted. Wish i moved somewhere else.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    The fact that you are concerned with being evicted if you attempt, suggests that you do not want or expect that the attempt would be a success - which suggests that you do not want to die as much as that you want someone to sit up and take notice, perhaps to offer help that you have not yet received - to care. All of those things are entirely understandable, but harming yourself is not the way to get those things. I am sorry if you feel it is the only way.

    I am glad that there is something stopping you, even if it is an apartment rule. Please fight the urges and stay safe :hug?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree with Freya hun you do not want to die you want someone to see you and reach out and help you Please stay safe h ugs
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Sorry you feel this way. But why would you be evicted if you pay rent on time.
  5. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    Please don't and get some help right away from a professional you can trust. I also think you have a really big will to live because you continue to post here.

    Please take a still quiet moment each day to acknowledge any part of you that knows you deserve respect and love, and that there is a hope of some relief if you keep seeking answers for yourself.
  6. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for all your responses. I get it...it's the attention-seeking that I want, even though that is negative attention. I have been utilizing this site for a while, sharing and processing my thoughts and feelings with you all. I am grateful that I've found a healthy way to get the positive attention that I want. I really don't want to die, just want some relief of my emotional pain that comes from my chronically suicidal past. It's coming close to the date when I last attempted and maybe I'm getting emotional about it. It was a very traumatic time in my life and I might need a little more support as the day approaches. I haven't posted much lately because I need a break to take care of myself. Reading everybody's postings and offering my two cents worth can be overwhelming but I thank all the support that I received and maybe I'll find myself useful again as I recover from myself...if you know what I mean.
  7. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    sounds like you recognise and appreciate the hope and help from others.

    thats good ....means you can start to move on with some good feelings there for you.
  8. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I've been crying a lot lately. In fact, I think I'm going to cry again. I know crying can be a sort of relief from pain. However, after I have a good cry, I have a big headache. Then my headache becomes the pain and I stop after that. It's a vicious cycle. So much raw emotions coming up. Lots of intense emotions coming up. I'm not suicidal, just feeling sad. Trying to distract myself by listening to music, reading a good book, or journaling if I have to. Can't talk to my neighbors much about my issues, but that's when I process at my group therapy and therapists. Plus, I can still post here if needed. I feel accepted here. Thank you all!
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