Sometimes I feel like I can't take it anymore. The doctor says that my stomach problems are just stomach irritability due to stress. I remember how I kept thinking and hoping it would be something terminal. I wasn't the least bit afraid of the possibility that it was. Other times I feel wonderful, like I can take on the world and that there is some special purpose for me. Right now, I wish I was dead.
If somehow through some "miracle of science" I could have another "me" in front of me - the exact same person as myself - I would terminate him. I would rip my (the copy's) spine out and beat myself over the head with it. I have probably said too much and don't want to trigger anything in anyone.
Needless to say, I can conceive of the most grisly and horrific fates for myself.
I know I have alot of people who care about me, including on this forum. What I don't understand is why. And why doesn't one of the two most important people on this earth to me (i.e., my wife) care about me.
I have been doing some research into methods, and I think I have found a good one, though it will require alot of skill. Maybe this is the first thing I can actually get right in my life.