Stop Pretending

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Forgotten_Man, Jun 3, 2012.

  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am so sick and tired of my family and their lies to themselves. All they do is ask about what I have done in my life knowing full god damn well that I do jack shit. Seriously, why do they insist on talking to me every couple of weeks. You could not talk to me for a year and I would have only enough to talk about to fill up 30 fucking minutes. Why don't they just leave me alone?

    Another big surprise I have not heard back from the one person I have tried to confide in. What a shock my sister does not want to deal with it. Yet another sign of how worthless I am. Once my former roommate moves across the country and I move. I will finally be alone and that is when the decay will happen even faster.

    Even if I posted something obvious on facebook or something like that. No one would come rushing to my aid. No one would come and try and stop me. Everyone would just sit there. Once I am out of this fucking stupid state, in the US, I will be 100% alone. No one will be able to save me. No one will be able to help me. No one will keep me alive. I will post my final message in an email. Oh yeah that tool no one in my family uses. I would say facebook but no one cares what I have to say there. So aside from sending out a mass text message. No one will know that they have to come stop me from killing myself. I could give them 3 months notice and they would just sit there.

    No one gives a damn, no one wants to give a damn. No one cares, and I am all alone. I enjoy the solitude I really do. You see by being alone I have no reason to live on. All I have are possessions. I can leave instructions on what to do with those. Once my kitty dies... it is over for me. It is hard to say that I will make it even 12 hours It is hard to say really it is. Especially if I have to put her down. If I were to come home and she was dead.. well that would be one thing. However, if I was to have to put her to sleep. I would do the vets a favor and at least drive home. There are days when I feel dark feelings towards my kitty.

    I love my kitty, but I wish she was dead. I am not sure why.. oh yeah I know why because I am a fucking loser who needs to die. More and more and more those feelings overwhelm me. Every second that passes feels like an eternity. So I just wish my kitty would hurry up and die so I could die. I have no reason to keep on living or wanting to be alive. All I want is to die and be done with it. Be done with my miserable existence. I should have been culled as a young child but I was not culled.

    I curse the net sometimes, if I did not have the internet I would have died back in college... maybe I should go off line for a while. That way I have no one and no where to post my screams and misery. That is what I want. I want to be dead for months even years before I am discovered. I want people to wonder what happened. Because when they search they will find nothing of me. Nothing, zero, nadda, people will say who is this guy. Forever, only I will know who I am and forever I will be dead. I will just be another human who needs his body disposed of.

    There is nothing anyone can do to fix me. You know maybe I will start therapy here in a few weeks. That way I can get away from my fucking roommate. I am so tired.. I just want to be alone.. so that way I can die without any worry. Maybe if I am lucky when I die no one will know what to do with my stuff. Maybe I will die alone and all my stuff will get donated to a museum. That would be nice. Time to go back to lying around thinking about dying.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2012
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Firstly, I would miss you...I know I seem like just some random stranger in the world of cyber, but you have been here with us for a long while and you seem like a part of us...although I understand that we are all so flawed, your sister should have tried to do better, especially knowing how private you are and what it took to confide in her...I am sorry for that...and maybe starting therapy, for whatever reason, is a good idea...please keep posting and do PM me if I can be there for you...also, BTW, what are your photobucket pics? They look like the inserts used to store information (sorry I do not remember the names of them)...I have always been curious
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Sadeyes: My sister is just dense. She pretends like we have always been close. She tends to forget that I did not know she had a boyfriend until she had been dating him for almost a year. She just pretends that I am as close to her as the other sister. Regardless, I do not think she is capable of dealing with it. She is very closed-minded and not very tolerant. So I bet I caused her to have a brain meltdown. The same please don't die, you would be missed was given to me by her in one sentence. That was the end of it.

    I am pretty sure we have talked in the past. These days I do not know what PMing would do.. all I seem to do is take up space on this forum. I do not know, I just want my cat to die so I can die and be done. One less person to have to invite, or keep track of, or worse guilt trip into accepting presents. Oh well, when you are the loser of the family there is noting you can do right? People need you around to feel better about themselves. They can spit out the same lie about how shocked they are you are single, and how you are funny and all the usual lies. They can feel good and then forget about me. Oh well such is life right?

    The images are QR Codes... from back when I was motivated. I no longer believe in them.. but whatever... if you have a QRCode Scanner you should be able to read them.