Stop pushing me!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Asajj, Feb 17, 2009.

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  1. Asajj

    Asajj Active Member

    My therapist (who I'm really close to and get on well with) said today when she came to see me at home, that she doesn't believe I'm going to commit suicide. Wow. That's not invalidating at all. She tried to convince me that she didn't mean to be and she just wanted to be honest.

    I told her about a previous OT I saw, while I was hospitalized for 3 months last year, who has said the same thing and basically I ended up in A&E because of an OD.

    Don't say such invalidating things to a suicidal patient that thinks you're a fucking god! What are you trying to do? Make me kill myself?!

    On second thought, go on keep pushing :mad: Lets see where it gets you shall we?

    (Basically, my therapist thinks I won't commit suicide and that just makes me want to do it even more)
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Power in the service of hurting yourself is not really power...why not hear her intent and see what is there for you instead of working from your ego??? hope you are doing better...J
     
  3. Asajj

    Asajj Active Member

    She couldn't explain her 'intent'. She must've spent about 10mins saying 'erm'. She also said that she's only worried about me in case I accidently miscalculate.
     
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    it's difficult, when it seems we are not being '''HEARD''' or ''UNDERSTOOD'' or ''ACKNOWLEDGED''.

    the famous bell jar - (sylvia plath) we can see the world around us and they seem to see us - but we could scream at the top of our lungs and '''they''' only hear what '''they''' WANT to hear....

    i understand how you are feeling. . .

    from your therapist's point of view - perhaps she is trying to move forward to a point of your reaching full health - perhaps she sees a strength in you that leads her to believe you'll pull out of the suicidal feelings and be able to go on in your life.

    but, it still makes sense to me, that you need to be heard, and acknowledged. xxxxxx
     
  5. Asajj

    Asajj Active Member

    I can definitely understand this. She does seem to think I have this hidden strength that randomly helps me when it feels like it. Can't say I agree of course. It sounds like a load of BS to my ears. If I'm so 'strong' why can't I even leave my damn house?!
     
  6. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Maybe it's time to find a new psychiatrist. (I thought the NHS was a good system, but jeez what training do you need in the UK to be a psychiatrist :dry:). Nobody should invalidate your feelings. And nobody should try to make you prove your suicidal thoughts exist.
     
  7. Asajj

    Asajj Active Member

    So far the NHS has been pretty good but this has really damaged my relationship with her. I don't think I'm capable of getting on so well with anyone else. I'm completely attached to her.

    This was my first meeting with her in 2-3weeks because she's been on holiday and she says that? Ouch.
     
  8. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    We have to realize that our therapists are ppl too...they mis-speak, our relationships get ruptured and not everything that goes on is Zen...if she is valuable, move on...sometimes things cannot be 'taken back', better understood, etc...they are clangs...big hugs, J
     
  10. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    The problem is, of course, she is not a god. She's only human and human beings get things wrong. Maybe it is a good thing to keep reminding yourself of this fact?

    I have to say that I've been in this situation. It seems like a challenge and I think it is very stupid or insensitive to try to second guess what someone might do... especially someone who thinks that they have nothing to lose.
     
  11. Asajj

    Asajj Active Member

    I agree that she is just another human being, but sometimes I can't help but expect more. It's just such a blow when you find out they're just as incompetent as everyone else. :sad: I put my trust in them to help me feel better and it rarely turns out that way. It hardly helps with the feelings of hopelessness :dry:
     
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