Stopping weed...scared

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by sofie, Feb 8, 2016.

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  1. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    So in the next couple days, I will be out of weed and I am planning to not buy anymore. I quit cold turkey very easily in the fall but after eight weeks, I went into severe anxiety mode and returned to both weed and other self-harming things -- those things which I had not done in YEARS.

    But here I am again, ready to quit smoking, thinking it is important to do so, WANTING to do so and SO scared what this means for my anxiety.

    Fortunately, I have a psychologist now and can talk some of this out with him but MAN I wish I never would have started weed. I do not think it is a particularly harmful drug but it is a way I cope with anxiety and I feel like I shouldn't rely on it that way.....I have no idea what my rambling is all about other than I am nervous, anxious, not sure I can or should stop smoking......
    NYJmpMaster likes this.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, have you thought about going to a rehab for your addiction, the counselling services there would be helpful too. I don't know about where you live but here is a rehab for everything except opiates and they offer excellent services and only charge their social welfare money. Is there anything like that where you live? I am not a weed smoker so to be honest I do not have enough experience to advise but just wanted to wish you the best with your quest, best of luck to you Sofie. You are strong, I know you can do it :)
  3. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Hi Petal -- thanks. I WISH there were rehab for weed--I mean, I could go to an inpatient place but it would be entirely self-pay and cost 20-30 thousand dollars, easily. But weed is actually not a physical addiction as much as a mental one and I did stop very easily for two whole months not too long ago so I know I can do this, just really scared because stopping the weed before is part of what helped me tailspin into this current episode of anxiety/poor judgment. I do believe I have the safety nets in place this time to successfully stop -- I have klonopin for acute anxiety (currently taking 2-3 times per week), counseling, and we are heading into spring (I have horrible Seasonal Affective Disorder so deciding to quit as we were heading into winter was not the brightest move). I feel like this is my best shot at putting this addiction to bed.....but I am still SO scared. To not have the weed to rely on after a really ROUGH day at work or before/after visiting is scary. I know marijuana is not the worst drug, by far, and if it were just legal in my state I would continue to do it! But it is not, moving is not an option, and the fear related to buying and testing positive for it are huge since it could cost me my job etc.....just SO scared! DAMN. Legalization cannot come fast enough :S
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Unfortunately it IS illegal. Just fyi, it's okay to talk about drug addictions here, just not encourage drug use which of course I know you are not doing, just making that clear!!

    A rehab for weed would be ideal, even if you could afford it do you think you could quit?
    Do you have regular drug tests at your work place?
    Do you believe you can really quit it this time, like ''this IS it''?

    I think you sound determined and hope you stay that way, when I was in the psych ward, I met people who turned schizophrenic from weed. It was awful to see. Maybe if you think of it that way you will have a better chance of steering clear of it. I am sorry to hear you have SAD. I have no experience with that either, I hope you will get through the season change okay. Big hugs and know you are liked and cared for here :)
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I wish you success. To be completely honest, anxiety is a common side effect of weed. It is an issue with far more people that use and to a greater extent, and then like any drug, it sometimes confuses the issue by making you think you use it to control the anxiety, but in many cases the anxiety would not exist or not be as bad if did not use it to begin with, so would not have a need to "cure it". I sincerely hope this proves to be the case with you as well and you find with not using it the anxiety is less of an issue to need to deal with.

    While there are differences between addictions and dependencies, both take strength and courage to beat. Those happen to be 2 qualities I am sure from having seen your posts and gotten to know you a little that you have a lot of. I hope you are able to look at it as just another positive step towards over all wellness and learning to rely on yourself instead of something or someone else to make things better in your life. Depending on other peopel or things for comfort or happiness will always ultimately fall short, but once you learn to have faith and trust in yourself you will for sure be going in a positive direction. While the merits or detriments of marijuana could be argued (in other places), anything that you have come to rely on as a needed part of a coping mechanism is ultimately slowing down progress towards real recovery. I think you know that and is what you meant in starting this thread- you just want to not have to rely on something else to feel good. I truly hope you are successful just because you deserve a win for yourself. That said, your biggest success in this is simply realizing you are using it in a way that may not be the best for you a bigger sense, so you already deserve the credit for a victory.
    Ima.robot likes this.
  6. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    [QUOTE="NYJmpMaster, post: 1424202, member: 15066" you just want to not have to rely on something else to feel good.[/QUOTE]

    Exactly this ... I am tired of smoking, tired of 'needing' it to get through, tired of the panic that use to set in if I was nearing running out. That is one way I know I am ready ..... the last few months I have been delaying purchasing and dragging my feet --not panicking that I didn't have any. It is becoming a nuisance and thorn in my side to continue smoking....hard to explain.

    But you hit the nail on the head with this comment. :)
  7. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Sorry, was not trying to encourage drug use.

    I THINK this is IT for quitting.....I am planning to behave as though it is and pray I am right.
    Freya and Ima.robot like this.
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I have to stress I have no experience with illegal substances, but I have dealt with addiction in my teenage years... and a recent temptation...

    I will send you my very best wishes and vibes for you to kick this!

    You sound determined, and that is so very important. It's hard work, but I know you can do it. You can always come here to rant and seek support as well.
    As it has already been said, replacing your urge and need with something better (and preferably healthier!!) would be very good for you.

    Some believe that people who are prone to addiction lack certain hormones in their brain, and adrenaline is supposed to be good to help it along.
    There's lot of ways to release adrenaline, hard physical exercise is one, is that a possibility for you?
  9. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Hard physical exercise.....ughhhh LOL I HATE exercising but I do know there is a HUGE benefit to it and I should make it more of a priority. It is one of the self-care things that I struggle with hugely. Time will tell if I can make exercise a priority.... Thank you for your kind words and support!
  10. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    SOFIE.i say this with tears in my eyes.
    Its a beautiful .glorious.happy plant.
    But I had reached a stage where I got migraines if I didn't smoke a joint...
    I had to take painkillers to quit.i could feel my memory smartness ebbing away.
    But its been 2weeks since I ate that ladt brownie...and 3 weeks since I smoked.
    I still get the compulsions..but I smoke a cig if they get too bad...even tho I kno its worse...but in not addicted to it...good luck sof .. .*hugs*
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