Story of my life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Mikle, Jan 8, 2014.

  1. Mikle

    Mikle Member

    Hello again everyone. I thought about it a bit and I decided that I'll tell you the whole story. The story of how I ended up in this situation. Okay, here we go...

    So I had a "normal" childhood nothing really worth mentioning there till the point I turned twelve. After that I started getting bullied at school and I got left out. So I gradually just spent most of my free time alone. I had maybe two friends left by the time I turned thirteen. And because I spent so much time alone I had to come up with means to keep myself occupied so I started to play a lot of video games. I still do or I did, but I'll get back to that a bit later. The bullying continued and at some point I just stopped going to school entirely. That generated a lot of issues with my family.

    So I didn't go to school for a year. Things at home didn't go too well either so I was sent to this school home.(I have no idea of what they are called in english, but basically I was sent away from home to live with a bunch of other kids with troubles.) At this point I was about to turn sixteen. Surprisingly enough I made some friends there. I completed school with good grades(two years late though) and now I'm living alone. First I felt so happy that everything turned out okay. I even managed to fix my relationship with my family(excluding my dad). But then it happened. I stopped having interest in my favorite things, like playing video games for example. Then I stopped having interest in everything. I no longer wanted to live. I started to have suicidal thoughts and I almost did kill myself. I even wrote a suicide note. After and before that I had a couple major emotional breakdowns and now I have stopped to feel anything. As if I'd be dead inside. I want to die, but I can't kill myself for some reason. The stupidest thing is that I have no idea what triggered this. I finally felt like I had a future, a bright one. And then I just lose all interest in it.
     
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    reading your story, one thing i wonder, is if maybe you are experience a vitamin B deficiency. many of the B complex vitamins will cause us to feel depressed. depression if carried on for too long, can eventually give us the "numb" feeling you describe. the reason i suggest maybe its vitamin B deficiency is because it seems to have returned with no true trigger or etc... however, that could also be indicator that you have the true depression disorder which is long term and doesn't always ever go away, though it can be managed to a point that it is "liveable". i would strongly suggest you go to a nutritionist and see if they can suggest something in better terms of your diet/exercise, perhaps go to your doc and suggest a blood panel be drawn to see if you are deficient in any Vitamin B complex, if you are deficient either add the supplement to your diet or just add more foods that have more of whatever particular Vitamin B Complex you are deficient in. i would also suggest that you get into thearpy and/or get some meds for depression. after that you can look into trying to become more active socially, perhaps getting out and going places where there are more people like bars and libraries and book stores and movie theatres, restaurants, shopping centers, etc.. or maybe just going to social places online, depending on what you feel most comfortable doing. then you can look into such things as arts, crafts, hobbies, yoga, martial arts, sports, exercises, walking/running, etc.... these things will help you both via getting your body to create and distribute diff hormones to the brain in order to fend off depression as well in providing a distraction from your problems for a bit... then go out (if you haven't already done this) and get yourself a regular income -- either via job or disability income or other benefit (nothing illegal)

    i hope those things help you
     
  3. Mikle

    Mikle Member

    First time I've heard a person suggest that vitamins might be the cause... Well I guess you can learn something new everyday. Anyways I really really really don't want anything to do with depression meds because I'm afraid that I would lose myself in the process and become nothing short of a fake. For one that has struggled most of his life trying to regain that lost "me" I am just too afraid of losing it again. I've gone to therapies and seen psychiatrists during my life for numerous reasons and I have seen how tedious it is. Those people might be trying to help, but they just don't understand you which is why I find it so tedious.
     
  4. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

  5. Mikle

    Mikle Member

    Very educating. Thank you for the link. I've got nothing to lose so I might try changing my diet a bit. Maybe drink a bit less coffee and drop the sweet cereals out completely and see what happens.
     
  6. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member