Story of my life...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sweet_angel1219, Mar 1, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. I didnt think Id ever be posting this,but ill go for it anyways.

    My names Anna im 13, and I live in Arizona.
    i use to fine,but latley everything has gone down hill.
    my moms side of my family has depression.
    and i have an uncle with schizophrenia and depression.
    so i guess it runs in my family,lucky me.
    i used to just watch friends deal with depression and warn me about it.
    i would tell them everything would be okay,but i never really understood until now.
    I cry alot,5 nights a week atleast.
    i have bad times where i have breakdowns and i start shaking.
    you can call me and emo kid i guess.
    the whole look and i use to cut myself.
    I dont know what to do anymore.
    i want to kill myself but i really dont want to die.
    I dont like doing things with friends anymore.
    Id rather be alone,but then i just think about my misery.
    I have a hard time making descions and Im most afraid of being alone my whole life.
    ever since i was little the one thing i always wanted was love.
    I've only been in love once,but it was a big joke.
    and his name still tears me up inside if someones says it.
    Im just alone and scared.
    i cant trust anyone really.
    none of my freinds except one know things about me.
    i just dont tell people anything.
    that one friend is my guardian angel,i would kill myself if anything happened to them,i love and trust them with my life.
    it just seems like the end for me.
    i cant really take it anymore.
    i cant remeber when i was happy last and i kind of wish i was now.
    I have online friends,which is the one i said i trust the most,and it really kills me to know i can only talk to them online and on the phone.
    i would do anything to meet them in person.
    My family kind of knows but they think im messed up.
    i want medicine but i dont want to have to depend on that.
    I've just quit life,im done,theres nothing else i can think of to do because im just so lonley.
    my story is probaly not as bad as some but i dont know.
    i just need a hug and someone to tell me they actually care about me.
    thanks for reading i guess,bye.
  2. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    I read your entire post, and maybe I missed something, but you didn't quite say why you're depressed.

    Which is good, maybe you don't know, and there is help! Especially for someone so young like yourself, you can get help easily, weather or not it may be medicene, I don't know.

    You're only 13 and you may or may not know why you're depressed, but there is alot of help out there. You have your whole life ahead of you..

    Oh, one note, if you don't know why you're depressed, it isn't a problem, and it doesn't mean you're weird.
  3. I guess I dont exactly know.
    I dont really know how to answer that.
    I dont know if being so alone your depressed is an answer.
    or being rejected by your family.
    its kind of like im a disappointment to them because of my sister.
    shes really pretty and quite perfect or really close.
    Ive always been the problem child.
    I guess I dont know.
  4. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Is your sister older or younger than you?
  5. older,shes 18.
    I love her so much though.
  6. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    It's good that you care about your older sister, I wouldn't doubt she feels that way to you too.

    But, as far as her being "perfect" it may only seem this way because she's older and been through more life experiences than you. Nobody's perfect. If you feel your parents treat you differently it's because she's older, and yes, by being older she may have more privilages. It does not mean your parents don't love you or favor your older sister.
  7. No actually my brother and sister have both said they dont like me really.
    like when i was little they use to always team up on me even my dad.
    i dont want to mention my problem with him.
    i dont feel unwanted because my sister is older and can stay out later or anything like that.
    that would be retarded.
  8. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Do your parents know how you feel? I see you didn't want to tell your dad. It may be a good idea to tell them if they don't know.
  9. they kinda know,and ive said something before and all i got back was that im a messed up child.
    im not perfect and if i make a mistake with something lets just say my dad takes it out hard on me.
    its not like a robbed a bank or anything.
    but i dont know.
    i'd rather just tell the one person i trust with everything.
    they havent left me and i dont think they will.
    i probaly dont make any sense do i?
    but tonight should be good i hope,because a friend is coming over so i wont be alone.
  10. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    At least it sounds like you have some good friends..
  11. yeah one.
    hah :/
    i added you on myspace,haha.
    yeah i live on there.
    you seem like a really nice person to be replying to all these posts.
    and i know even if i think suicide is the only answer,it cant be.
    time will tell.
    but for now i'll have to suffer through panic attacks and depression.
  12. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Suicide definently isn't the answer. You're just young and going through some changes. There's alot more to life to live.

    You can message me anytime you're feeling down. I'll be around.
  13. I would hope there is ;[
    im glad to know that.
  14. Jake055

    Jake055 New Member

    hey anna! atleast you know I care! we can be miserable together.
    our story sounds alot the same, but I guess thats why we're such good friends?
  15. haha mhm jake.
    i know you care.
    yeah probaly.
    we'll be best friends forever.
    mhm i love you.
  16. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    You'll meet alot of people here - myself included - with a very similar story.
  17. yeah I know.
    alot of us seem to feel very 'alone'.
  18. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    Yep, loneliness is a huge reason why alot of people feel like they do. Especially myself. -.-
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.