I didnt think Id ever be posting this,but ill go for it anyways. My names Anna im 13, and I live in Arizona. i use to fine,but latley everything has gone down hill. my moms side of my family has depression. and i have an uncle with schizophrenia and depression. so i guess it runs in my family,lucky me. i used to just watch friends deal with depression and warn me about it. i would tell them everything would be okay,but i never really understood until now. I cry alot,5 nights a week atleast. i have bad times where i have breakdowns and i start shaking. you can call me and emo kid i guess. the whole look and i use to cut myself. I dont know what to do anymore. i want to kill myself but i really dont want to die. I dont like doing things with friends anymore. Id rather be alone,but then i just think about my misery. I have a hard time making descions and Im most afraid of being alone my whole life. ever since i was little the one thing i always wanted was love. I've only been in love once,but it was a big joke. and his name still tears me up inside if someones says it. Im just alone and scared. i cant trust anyone really. none of my freinds except one know things about me. i just dont tell people anything. that one friend is my guardian angel,i would kill myself if anything happened to them,i love and trust them with my life. it just seems like the end for me. i cant really take it anymore. i cant remeber when i was happy last and i kind of wish i was now. I have online friends,which is the one i said i trust the most,and it really kills me to know i can only talk to them online and on the phone. i would do anything to meet them in person. My family kind of knows but they think im messed up. i want medicine but i dont want to have to depend on that. I've just quit life,im done,theres nothing else i can think of to do because im just so lonley. my story is probaly not as bad as some but i dont know. i just need a hug and someone to tell me they actually care about me. thanks for reading i guess,bye.