story to shared and help needed

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Tiny, Apr 9, 2011.

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  1. Tiny

    Tiny Member

    I did my attempt in 2007 after a shocks from my ex-husband and ex-bf. I took a lot of pills with a bottle of wine. Was found by police and sent to hospital. Stayed in ICU for four days and was let go home.

    The reason for the attempt was there were too many shocks in my life, and the physical pain as well as the psychological pain were too great to take. I have many friends and supportive family, but they didn't know understand and could not really help from psychological side. I didn't want to trouble them because every family had their own problems. After that I had been trying very hard to recover, and yet almost recover and my ex-bf broke up with me. So, I am depressed again, but the difference is I know I am depressed, what cuased the depression, but I have no control of my body and mind, I am sober, but powerless to do anything to change it.

    My depression was way back since I was nine and had bad headache. There were three daughters in my family. Don't know why, I was the one no one liked. Was slightly abused physically, but heavily abused mentally by my dad. My mom didn't correct his behaviour. I was too young to defend myself and didn't know that I was depressed. And no one in the family paid any attention to me. I was happilly married for 6 years and my ex brought me a shock.

    I was lucky nothing happened to my organs from the attempt except for terrible headache when it rains. (little warning: attempt is not worthy, if you survive, you might suffer more physical pain than before) All my life, I had been seeking love and protection from mean because I felt there was a hole, but was hurted by them. Now I understand that I cannot go back to change the hisotry. And my parents tried very hard to be good. Unfortunately they were human, and made mistakes without knowing. For my parents, there was no hole. But I expreienced it. I am not angry or hate them anymore.

    The problems nows are that depression causes my physical immobilization, and the physical down drags my mental down. A very bad cycle. I have been trying very hard to build up my physical, then mentally I cannot take it. So depressed again. I guess just have to try all kinds of different ways to deal with it.
  2. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you've been forced to go through all of this.

    Have you sought treatment for any of this? You say you know what caused your depression, but you're only half right. Depression and a tendency toward suicide exacerbate the impact and stress that these kinds of events have on someone. Everything feels worse when one is depressed, and if someone is prone to suicide attempts, it's even worse. The things you have gone through are awful, and you say you've attempted suicide multiple times. The majority of people do not attempt suicide after a breakup. Those that do tend to suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies.

    Are you still feeling suicidal now? And again, have you sought treatment for that which is making you want to kill yourself?
  3. Tiny

    Tiny Member

    Thank you very much for your message. You are right, a normal break-up will not trigger suicide. Unfortunately mine was an extreme case plus my low chemical level, it just happened. The main reason for the attempt because I was disappointed by human nature after my experience. I used to believe people are good in nature. Now I understand people are selfish, not neccessary bad, but not good either. The more education people receive the smarter people are, the worse it will be. Of course there are exceptions, but rare. I understand I cannot change anything, only can accept it regardless agree on it or not. The utopian beauty only exists in fantacy, nature and animals.
  4. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    am sorry for what you have been going through and how you feel and that it has clouded your perception of human nature. there are a lot of bad peeps in the world and i have met my fair share of them, but i have met many more kind hearted and good people to restore my faith. i think you have been unlucky to meet more bad than good but please dont give up on looking.

    are you are meds for your depression? maybe see your doc and discuss how you feel today. take care :hug:
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I sympathise with you - its not nice when a relationship ends with you seeing the person as a bad, but it happens. I guess it does take a few years to really get to know people.

    But not all people are bad - in fact its a tiny minority who are really bad - and the rest of us are mostly good with the usual failings and imperfections. Maybe the people who rule over us are bad people and the choices they give us tend to reduce our humanity at times.

    You seem a good person at heart - and its easy to get cynical after the man you loved turns out to be someone else. I've always noticed that who people seem to be at first is rarely what you get. Some are totally honest from the onset - but the majority put up a mask of sorts - we're polite, maybe more polite than we might be.

    I give everyone I meet the 100% mark when I met them. This is better than seeing people as 0% and giving points for the good aspects you actually confirm in them.

    With marriage - you got to be very careful. Take care you don't fall into a whirlwind romance - and bear in mind that people do change of their own accord. Some become meaner as they are more acquainted with you - other times, you might meet someone you almost hate but find they grow on you.

    I guess the next time you get married - take more time courting!

    Always have a long engagement period.

    You always take a chance with love no matter what. Once bitten, twice shy - as the saying goes - but when it goes right - I guess you'd agree to have your heart broken a few times just to get there.

    I hope that your heart can heal and hope you get some help for how you are feeling.

    You are right - there are many ways to deal with depression and you owe it to yourself and others to try and get over this and to be able to face life with some hope.

    I'm sorry for the pain and hurt you have been put through - but part of the healing process is to feel the pain and then to take steps to get over it.

    My regards, good luck and God Bless.
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