I am really where there is nothing to really say. I've spent countless hours thinking about it, and really, there is no reason I should not kill myself. Being no real penalties from it, it is just another action. The only difference is after it I exist no longer. Only failing it renders negative effects. It's kind of sad, I guess. Some people can't be helped though. It just doesn't matter, really. I would kill myself tonight to avoid tomorrow if I could. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. Me staying alive, is just a "waste of life" anyway, as my family so colorfully says. Not to say it matters what they or anyone thinks. It just doesn't matter, and I just don't care anymore. I want there to be a place where I can go and just be killed. Only I could make a difference, and I either can't or don't want to. I don't know which. As if it was relevant.