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Stranger just asked to be my friend?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Meta, Mar 13, 2011.

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  1. Meta

    Meta Active Member

    I was walking home from the shop that I usually visit, just down the street from my house, and on my way home a guy I knew worked at the same shop stopped me, walked up to me, and started talking about having a drink some time.
    I've never spoken with this guy, I know him from the shop but I don't really know him, we've never spoken; he said he took notice of all the booze I bought at the shop and the state I'm usually in when I buy it.

    He invited me to drink with him. He pointed out the block of houses that I live on and said 'You live up there, don't you?" as if he knew me. He asked for my bloody phone number! He's around my age and he seemed sincere in his offer to hang out with me, but I don't think I can really trust someone who just walks up to me and asks to be my friend. I don't have any friends, and I've never had someone walk up to me and ask me to drink with them. I don't know how to react. Any advice for this?
  2. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    I'm not sure if you're a guy or a girl, which is pretty important here.

    If you're a girl, he's almost certainly interested in you romantically. If you think you might like him, go ahead and meet him in a public bar for a drink or something.

    If you're a guy, he probably either thinks you're fun because you buy a lot of booze or he thinks that you look unhappy and could use someone to talk to (depending on what you/he meant by "the state [you're] usually in when you buy it").

    Those are just the first things that come to my mind.
  3. Seems_Perfect

    Seems_Perfect Well-Known Member

    Tim. makes a great point and if you're a girl I have to say to be careful.

    Maybe he's sincere but you really can't hang out drinking with a perfect stranger based on the chance they're an okay person. My career involves seeing the worst of the worst in humanity so I'm inclined to trust no one (particularly at the onset). My humble opinion is be careful b/c if I had to write a threat analysis based on this situation here are a few indicators I would immediately be concerned about...

    - He knows you drink.
    - He knows you come into the store alone.
    - He knows your general state of being when you're in the store.
    - He approached you outside the store and not inside of it.
    - He knows where you live.
    - He immediately introduces alcohol as a means of getting to know one another.

    IF this guy is a predator then one of the things he will always look for is someone who seems lonely or is often alone. IF this guy is a predator he has taken notice of little things when he sees you: Do you look people in the eye? Do you walk with your head down? Are you soft spoken? Do you often appear gregarious or do you seem sad?

    Perhaps getting to know one another over a drink is just his way of breaking the ice b/c he knows you drink, BUT IF this guy has predatory intentions then alcohol is a weapon to disarm you from sobriety.

    Your intuition will tell you a lot, so...

    If you have a good feeling about him (NOT a good feeling about having someone to hang out with - a sincerely good feeling about the actual person that approached you) then perhaps you'll want to meet him in very, very public places until you two truly get to know one another. Ask him many questions about himself, where he grew up, where he lives - basically, you want to collect intelligence about HIS life to even the playing field since he seems to already know too much about yours. If you decide to meet with him then don't go back to his place, don't go to any parties with him, and don't allow him to take you away from the public place that you've met. Don't drink while you're getting to know him and don't leave your drink with him while you leave the area for a bit. Let people know where you're going to be, who you're going to be with, what time you'll be there, and what time you'll be back -- AND TELL HIM that you've done so. If he's a good guy then he'll appreciate that you're careful. If he's a predator then you've become more of a proverbial "hard target" as opposed to a "soft target" (a structure/person that is an easy "mark" or "hit").

    On the other hand, if your intuition says that something really isn't right about this guy then (A) don't hang out with him, and (B) try to find a different store or at least alter your pattern when you're in the store where he works (i.e., go in with someone else if possible, try to appear more upbeat when you're in the store).

    * I apologize if I sound a bit paranoid, but in my line of work we don't believe in happenstance or coincidence. Every situation has a threat-level attached to it and this situation has a higher one than I, personally, feel comfortable with. You, however, are the best judge of this case. Hopefully everything is cool with this guy, but listen to your instincts -- they are worth listening to. Good luck.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2011
  4. Stormrider

    Stormrider Well-Known Member

    Couldn't agree more with the previous poster, feel free to have a drink with him but keep it in public places and don't get drunk or give him a chance to put something in your drink.
    Maybe it's harmless, but you never know. Don't be paranoid, but stay careful
  5. Meta

    Meta Active Member

    Thanks a lot for the advice.The whole 'predator' thing was what I was concerned about. He came off as generally friendly but him approaching me in the street (at night, in an unlit part of the road) seemed weird. I had never even seen him outside the shop before, yet he seems to know where I live, or at least the block of houses that I live on.
    I was suspicious, to say the least.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2011
  6. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    In my unfortunate experience, guys like this are never ever good news. I would avoid him at all costs now. The factors involved here, as listed by Seems_Perfect, don't seem paranoid to me at all. Even if the guy isn't some creepy predator, he knows way too much about you.

    I know you may be lonely, and if you're a girl this can be quite flattering, but I don't think it could ever end well. Use your instinct and do what you want, but my opinion is to avoid this guy.

  7. Meta

    Meta Active Member

    Yeah, I thought it seemed suspicious. I'm just not very good with people, I get paranoid and make bad decisions. I don't really trust my own judgement. I guess I wasn't being stupid this time.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2011
  8. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Definitely not stupid.

  9. Meta

    Meta Active Member

    Do you think someone would take down that many details? I've never even seen the guy outside of the shop apart from when he stopped me in the street. I've been a little nervous about running into him again, to be honest. Especially since I KNOW I'll run into him again.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2011
  10. Jace

    Jace Active Member

    Yes they do, especially if they're looking for a victim because then you become an "easy" target.

    I'm very observant myself and I notice all of these things even when walking down the street. (I live in a bad neighborhood so I've learned to for my own safety)
  11. Seems_Perfect

    Seems_Perfect Well-Known Member

    I agree with Jace. Yes, there really are some people out there who are truly that calculating; and being observant even while walking down the street is more crucial than people know.

    As for running into the guy again, that's not necessarily a bad thing b/c it gives you the chance to display a strength he may not have seen before. Its like animals in nature - some who are harmless will display bright colors and the appearance of strength b/c it keeps predators at bay. Human beings really aren't that different. Besides, my guess is you really ARE stronger than you give yourself credit for.

    By the way, I'm really not trying to throw this guy under the bus and I'm sure none of us are. Its just that, as you know, people aren't always what they seem. If he's truly a good guy then it'll show at some point, but your first priority is you and your safety.
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    He sounds like a predator to me.. He knows too much about you and you have never payed any attention to him before.. My opinion is avoid this guy like the plauge...He may be a nice guy but he came on to you in the wrong way..I agree with the other poster to mix up where you shop..
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