My dad had to take me to the ER yesterday. I could barely walk or even stand up. I would try to stand up, take maybe 3-5 steps and fall over. Sometimes as soon as I stood up I would fall right back down in literally one second. This had been going since the day before. I was so extremely dizzy and weak. My head was killing me and I could barely breathe. So I finally decided to call my dad and tell him. He came, hours laters, after he had to do things for my mom, like dust and vaccumm, stuff that could have waited but whatever my mom is selfish that way. Anyway when we got there I couldn't even get out of the car without fallilng over. A nurse had to get a wheel chair for me. After I got signed in they checked my blood pressure, temperature, pulse rate, and oxygen level and asked me some questions. My pulse rate was fairly high and my oxygen level was fairly low so they took me within minutes of getting there. When they wheeled me back to a room in the back of the ER the nurse had me go from the wheel chair to the bed I asked her to help me and she wouldnt, so I nearly passed out in front of her. AFTER that she decided to help me. The doctor came in and decided to run some tests, blood tests, blood pressures in different positions, and an EEG. When they came back she said my heart was having irregular heart beats because my potassium has been so low for a good while. This is somewhat common in people that have eating disorders, in case any one is wondering. So they gave me some iv fluids and iv potassium. I hate the iv potassium if they don't hook it up right it can hurt bad. Any way after they were all done with the tests and getting the iv started my dad came in. My dad was upset. He first was upsest because I didn't tell him the day before that I was sick. Then he was upset because about a week ago something similar happened and he had to take me. He told he's giving me one last chance to eat on my own. See everyone is starting to say that I don't eat enough. I think I do, but what do I know. I eat if I get hungry, but I'm not hungry all that often. It's nothing for me in a week to eat a total of 4 or 5 mini-meals and go without eating for a few days out of the week. Like I said I don't get hungry too often anymore. But now if my dad even suspects I'm loosing more weight and/or not eating "enough" he is going to make sure I eat. He is going to watch me eat at least one meal every day. If my potassium still continues to run low he is going to get me signed in to a hospital somewhere for people with eating disorders. I don't know what to do. Everything is so out of control in my life. My mom is sick. I have to take care of her and also my grandma who is too lazy to get up and go to the grocery store that is NOT even 5 minutes away from her. Instead she calls me, I have to drive 45 minutes, and then I have to go to that store for her for 1 or 2 things and then drop them off at her place and drive another 45 minutes home. Something that would take her maybe 20 or so minutes to do I have to take almost 2 hours to do for her all because she is so lazy. Worst of all if I ask for gas money for doing this (Doing this for her uses up sometimes as much as 1/4 of a tank of gas) she gets upset at me hands me a 5 or 10 (oh wow enough for 1.5 to 2.75 galons of gas) and is like "oh this should last you a couple of weeks". Ya it would her because she NEVER goes anywhere, but me who uses that much gas just to get out to her place it doesn't even last an hour. Oh and then like when I was born or something every one was like "she will fix everyone's problems". I have to listen to everyone's problem. My grandma was freaking out because she had to use a credit card to pay one bill!!! And I got accepted to a great college here that can get me a great carrer. The thing is my finanical aid isn't going to cover everything. No one will co-sign a student loan for me. This program only accepts a few people a year!!!!!!! When it is completely empty they only accept 25 people. And I was able to get into this very selective program. Now I may have to wait because I won't be able to pay for it all. I just recently started a new job. Of which I was suposed to work this weekend but I had to call in because I've been so sick. Everything is just so out of control. I am so stressed out. There is so much going on. I hate having to walk this world with a fake everything is fantastic smile on me face. I hate having to do that around my friends and family. People wonder why I'm so messed up. Why I don't eat as much as they want. Why I do the things I do. Well how many people would have no problems if they were stressed out to the max and had to act like everything was terrific? I don't think any one would. I think any one would try to find some way to cope in sercret with it all. People want me to give up my eating disorder. I don't want to. It's the only thing constant in my life. It's the only thing that has never left or abandoned me. Many people have left me. Many people tell me I cant do anything. My eating disorder has never done any of that. If I were to give it up I don't know what I would do.