stress, melt-down? =?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Sa Palomera, Apr 14, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I don't know what it is today..

    I woke up really early this morning due to a nightmare, and afterwards I haven't been able to sleep properly anymore.
    so I decided to take the day off from therapy, to have a calm and easy day. Figured I could use that, especially seeing all the recent events in my life.

    I've been getting my life on track and have been really busy. Every evening I'm dead tired, physically, and often also emotionally. Normally I can rest in a bit during the weekends, but this weekend I've been up and about the entire weekend as well... And same for next weekend and the weekend after.
    It's like I can't find any rest anymore. And the thought alone that I won't be able to rest at all the next few weeks gets me all edgy.

    And today, after that nightmare.. I've been bursting into tears at the most silly things all day, the past few hours feel like I've been crying constantly. My body won't move anymore, it just refuses, cos it's so tired. My head won't think properly.
    And my mate is having a rough time due to stuff in her relationship and seeing her in that state makes me feel shit too... My meds don't even seem to be working properly today. When people in the house talk to me, it's tiring, whatever it is they say, it seems tiring. Just sitting up straight is tiring. Everything is tiring, but I can't sleep.

    And tears keep coming but I can't even cry properly anymore.

    I'm thinking about taking the entire week off from therapy, to get some proper rest, because I feel like.. If I go to therapy the entire week, I won't be able to rest and I'll have a huge melt-down at some point then, but then on the other hand, right now I feel like I'm already having a huge melt-down. I can't even eat properly!! All I've eaten today is a fruit-cocktail and 1.5frikandel (.. like a meatball, but a roll).
    Maybe therapy would be good for me, but if I can't even find the energy to go there, cos I'm so dead tired...

    I feel worn out, drained, dead tired, emotional wreck. I want to stop the tears from rolling down my face but they won't. I want to have the energy and appetite to eat at least a sandwich, but I can't seem to do anything but move my fingers. And even that is costing me so much energy. Hell, I can barely keep my head up straight.
    But I can't sleep...

    What the hell is going on, and more importantly what can I do about it?? :sad:
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Oh and now I'm talking to people on IM, I notice something more which is rather odd..

    Dutch is my native language, but normally I think in English most of the time and even forget words in Dutch, while actually KNOWING them in English (so when talking to mates I often say words in English cos I can't think of the Dutch word). Also normally I'm able to express myself in English better than in Dutch.

    Right now.. it's not. And it's not the other way around either. My Dutch seems worse than ever, and my English isn't really coherent either. Well if I sit and think for hours it's okay, but in a regular conversation.. I keep putting constructions in sentences wrong, and forgetting the simplest words. And it feels like I don't make sense (unless reading whatever I typed over a gazillion times and thinking about it really long.). I can't concentrate on reading long pieces..
    It's like.. what my medication normally helps with (better concentration, less forgetful, less dissociating), is worse now. Only thing which the meds usually help improve and which still is better now, is my hyperactivity.

    What does all this mean?
    I hope it's only one day :sad:
  3. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: Estface. :hug:
  4. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    Hi Ishy. :hug: That nightmare seems to have had effected you a lot. You talk about the recent events in your life, perhaps something traumatic happened and you're experiencing the after effects?

    I'm definitely an emotional wreck if something like bad flashbacks happen and it shocks me.

    You sound exhausted though, mentally and emotionally.

    Do you go to therapy all week? Are you in contact with the therapist or facilitator- maybe you could have a chat with them and ask them what they think, or maybe they'd give you some support or advice. When at my worst I'd think "I don't want to go to counselling" but even at times of dead exhaustion something happened in those sessions which would lift me. I don't know if that helps, but I do hear how confused and indecisive you are about your therapy sessions :hug:

    You seem to be wanting rest, you crave it but you can't get it. What is going through your mind? You could try letting those things out a bit. Things like, 'what was the nightmare'?

    As for language, I know when I'm as tired as you I just talk complete jibberish, so don't worry. My memory goes down the drain too, and I can only speak English :wink:

    I do hope things get easier for you. You sound like you're going through a lot right now.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.