stressed - first post I am a 22 year old female, and a first year law student. I have had thoughts of suicide for 10 years, made a few attempts as a teen, and I've also self-injured since I was 12. Toward the end of high school and all through college I self-medicated with drugs and alcohol, and began having suicidal thoughts and self-injuring again about a year ago. I also have a history of making myself throw up/starving myself which has become something I do far too frequently these last few months. Seems like I'll do just about anything to hurt myself. I just want to give up. So much stress, so much pressure, and for what? To enter into a field that is known for its high rate of suicides. If I am not in the top half of my class, I lose my scholarship. I'm not as smart as I thought. I'm not doing well. And I have no one to talk to. I don't trust anyone enough to tell them how I feel. I feel very lonely, like I am just fundamentally different from all of my friends, my family, and especially from my classmates. I just don't want to do it anymore. xxxxx, I would have used it long ago, but sadly my family is not one of the many in America that exercises their 2nd Amendment right. I feel like a zombie. I am going through the motions, but my mind is completely occupied by thoughts of suicide. I don't know what to do anymore, besides just give in. "People are strange when you're a stranger" - This lyric sums up my existence.