Stressed and Tired and

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by evanila, Mar 23, 2009.

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  1. evanila

    evanila Member

    Hi u all pretty,sad peepz.I'm new on here.

    i've attemped suicide 3 times before,the last one was the most serious one,ive actually died,stayed in coma for 10 days then woke(which sucks.)I cant even do it right,what kind of loser am i? :sad: i've stayed at nearly all mental hospitals in the city i live.Diagnosed as bordrline personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder.

    I was a heroin addict till the day i woke with my bf's dead body in bed,actually i was snuggling him and stuff.and thought he was just drunk&snoring while he was suffocating.:sad:

    I'm currently under probation,gotta go to that freaky hopital to tests.But the problem is I CAN'T GO OUT. I cant stand to people look at me when i go out,i just wanna hide.from world.stay in my bed and do nothing.binge.then hate myself because of that.maybe throw a selfpity party alone?ok i managed to not murder myself but cant u folks leave me alone?this is the only way to keep breathing for me.

    DEPRESSION.I'm trying to keep my head above water.But it's hard =(
    FUCK OFF WORLD and all.
    I haven't the energy.
    I haven't the energy for the bullshit this entails.
    The urge to crawl out of my skin.
    To cut.
    Fuck i want to cut.
    I wanna cut so bad.
    Or h. I wanna shit myself so bad.and die.

    Dear God,i wanna DIE today! kthnxAmen
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    :arms: Not much but just wanted to let you know someone out there knows you're hurting. Hope things start changing around for you soon.
  3. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    hello ash,

    First of all :hug:

    second I am so happy that you are still alive and posting :D

    I think its hard for the people around you to leave you alone because they are worried.
    And its hard for you to have people who watch your every move.

    Im sorry that live has been so hard on you, you didnt deserve that.

    Just please don't give up..

    We are here :hug:
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    i can definately relate to the days i used to feel this way.
    welcome to the forum.
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