A few years back I lost my job due to back problems, I have spinal stenosis coupled with 2 bulging disks. That combined with the fact that for the previous 10 years I had been a truck driver so my back was taking a beating while being seated and unmoving for such long periods of time cause the muscles in that area of my back to atrophy. It started slowly I found I was in pain when I had to stand or walk for more than few minutes, but instead of taking time off of work to get it checked I simply reduced how much i stood or walked in order to keep working. This facilitated a nasty cycle where the less I did the more weight I gained, the more weight I gained the more pain I was in so I did less. Eventually I could no longer perform the required tasks for the job and found myself over 450 pounds. I had disability insurance and that kicked in because the doctors stated I could no longer do the job. Doctors that I went to took the approach of pain management and instead focused on my weight, they were sure that i had heart problems, so sure that even when a stress test came back fine they still order a heart cath. The doctor that performed the procedure said that I had the heart of a teenager, nothing wrong. Doctors still could only see my weight when i went to them and ignored my back, they went so far as to order me physical therapy which was a miserable failure, it put me in so much pain that for every day I spent doing it i spent 2 days unable to do much more than sit in pain and not move. By this time i no longer had medical coverage but since i am a veteran the VA covers me for that but their care is more of the same, manage the pain (100mg of Tramadol 4 times per day, 1600mg methocarbamol 4 times per day 30mg meloxicam twice a day). This has gone on over the past 3 years, during this time I lost the relationship that I had been in for the last 10 years including the 2 kids of hers that I considered my own, I lost my license and vehicle because I didnt have the money to keep the vehicle nor the energy/inclination to renew the license, and was forced to move. Through it all I had been being supported by the small monthly check I get from the disability insurance, they also started my disability claim which has been turned down twice because they state that I can still work if I do so seated, they fail to take into account that with exception of a recliner at the house that I have cushions duct taped in the perfect places I can not sit in any other chairs for more than 15-20 min before the pain gets to be bad enough that I need to move. I dont sleep well either, 2-3 hours max at a time before the pain wakes me up and i have to go sit in the recliner, so my days are a constant cycle of sleep until pain is more than i can sleep through then sit up until the exhaustion out weighs the pain. The disability company retained a law firm that specializes in disability claims and they have gotten me a hearing for my appeal. This brings me to now, I live in a house with a roommate, he helps as he can with taking me places when he isnt working, the house is rural so no public transportation is available, I have lost some weight but am still around 400, I am about a month out from my hearing and stressing out over it cause I fear if it is denied then my source of income will go leaving me homeless and hopeless. Having spent the majority of the past 15 years on the road doing long haul trucking the only friends I have are online ones in far away places and family is not an option for help, all of this has me thinking about an exit strategy to end the pain, suffering and stress.