Stressed out...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by BelovedCosmos, Mar 8, 2016.

  1. BelovedCosmos

    BelovedCosmos New Member

    I moved to Colorado in November, and it's been touch and go a bit. I've had three jobs since I've been out here. But I have some stuff in order. I have a therapist and a primary care. I've got insurance and food stamps (but i have to community service to keep them until i get a steady job. [how am i supposed to find a job if all my time is spent doing community service!?]) Still looking for a job i can actually do. I tried a warehouse job at a power tool company and couldn't handle the physical stress of lifting boxes as big as i was. Still looking... not to mention, my 19th birthday is next month and i have no money, and no idea what to do for it. My best friend/roommate has been here a shorter time then i have and already has friends and dates and a job. I don't know anyone here besides her and her grandparents (and my aunt who i rarely ever speak to.) I'm lonely, stressed out, and feel lost in a sea of pointless appointments and futile efforts. Not to mention comiccon is in Denver in June and i probably can't afford it. Out of everything, that is what makes me want to cry the most. some of my favorite actors are gonna be there. an hour away. AND I got an industrial piercing in my ear and the idiot who pierced it didn't disinfect the bar first, so i have a mild infection. I have to get a root canal and the idea is terrifying. I do not handle pain well. I'm supposed to be trying to quit smoking cigarettes, but guess how well that's working. my friend always goes to hang out with people and i don't mind that she has friends and a life and such, but it kills me everytime because i know i don't have that option. I have social anxiety to the max, and it's painful. add to that the PTSD flashbacks, panic attacks, and crippling depression. I have been making efforts to go out of my comfort zone, but my comfort zone is so small that it's hard to talk to a clerk at a supermarket. I've been really depressed and i just....... I am so easily overwhelmed that those around me feel as though I'm not even trying to pull out if it. I get pissy and irritable a lot because i suppress every little thing until i get snappy. I have no idea what to do with myself. i owe $400 to a college back in oregon for a class i couldn't even attend and still get credits for. so i have to figure out how to deal with that (which has already gone to collections.) before i can even think about attending college here which is soul crushing because i want to be a scientist. I want to major in astrophysics, its my passion. but i feel like i don't have it in me. i can hardly figure out how to live a regular life, let alone me an adult and have a steady job and pay bills and go to college all at the same time. I can hardly get out of bed to go to mandatory community service....
     
  2. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    Take it day by day and even hour by hour if you have to. You can do it. You are stronger than you think. Find something positive about each day. Do stuff you enjoy. It may not seem like it now but life can and will get better. Do your very best and take comfort in that. People here care about you and want to help. Feel free to PM me anytime. Everything's gonna be alright. -Shawn Mullins