stressed out

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GS9, Jul 12, 2010.

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  1. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    For those who dont know
    i had a stalker that ruined school for me,
    I dropped at late 16yrs old and joined the army early 17
    while in boot camp my father left my mother and the house was going towards foreclosure, i was almost finished with basic and would have been going to Iraq
    but i left the army to give my mom less stress...

    when i left i had this 'pain' of betrayal and disappointment in myself
    i went house to house with and this backpack of stress only was getting heavier i worked hard trying to make it to the "lower middle class"
    but so far i didnt make it im on the lowest class

    i suffered(suffering) post traumatic stress disorder due to all the things happening so quick my mind and body couldnt keep up

    im a insomniac, anxiety filled, stressed out, depressed person

    i also suffered a major concussion..

    im now in college but i feel so heavy with stress
    this is the first time i continued to be stressed out for a week

    but i found out that my father hated me...
    i was hit by a car and nearly ran over,
    the guy's licenses was suspended
    my dad told me he took him to court and got 3000$ dollars which i never saw..

    But i found out that he did not even take him to court...

    my life is f***ed up and i been thinking alot about suicide lately,
    The method, the tool, the letters, date, even my funeral song....

    im at the point when i just cant take it any more,
    my heart feels like its in my stomach

    i know i say this every year since 17 on my birth day i would "end" this game called life

    but now i have the money to do it the way i always wanted to end
    i dont care whats after the afterlife since to me nothing can be worse than living

    i just dont know how people will take it, im well liked in my school,
    and my cousin who im staying with ( i dont know how she will take my "passing" )

    for those who remembered me back 2-3yrs ago on this site i am sorry i was a asshole, SF doesnt deserve a person like me..
    i just was sooo stressed out these years and fixed my drug & alcohol problem..

    life is too tough, and how can you live life when you f***ed it all up and you dont remember what happiness is....

    I also recently losted my beloved car, the closest thing i had to 'love' and lost it because i was behind on payments,
    im stuck in this black hole of life walking toward the bullet that will teleport out of the darkness and into the unknown
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2010
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I would give myself some credit. And I would look for help in all aspects. Physically, and spiritually. Blessings..
  3. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    I dont know how to look for help and im scared that people will mark me as insane or dehumantize me
    some of my family members already told me that i was a failure as they bet i would fail at another thing
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2010
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    First know that you are a normal human being that has normal issues. Physically I would call a crisis hotline or family doctor. Spiritually I would turn to Yahweh and pray about everything. One costs money and the other is free, but both can offer help. I only get my help from the spiritual aspect, and it works for me personally. The crisis hotline should help you just get it out, and to get the confidence that you aren't as crazy as you think. I will keep you in my prayers. Blessings..
  5. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    i called the crisis hotline and this black woman sounded mad and just didnt help at all then again i called at 5am, it wasnt a good experience i lost my family doctor in florida when the house foreclosed

    i've prayed to the stars hoping that the storm would pass
    my stress meter is tipping full

    my life isnt priceless in fact it would most likely had been given to a soul for free
    or maybe in a past life i was a bad person and im paying for it in this life?

    i dont know but all i do know is no matter how hard i try to take a step up the stairs in life i end up falling 3 steps back
  6. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I don't pray to the stars, so that may be why you do not see results. I do not believe in past lives either. We all have a purpose, and I only know one way to learn of it. I prayed to Yahweh for enlightenment, and wisdom and then I read his word the bible. Over a year he taught me everything, and answered all of my questions.You could try what I did and turn your life away from the life you knew and give it and the control over to Yahweh to guide you. I knew when I was dictating my life it sucked. So his way had to be better. I was right. Blessings...
  7. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I would have hung up with that woman, and then called back for someone else. That was rude of her.
  8. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Hi, You seem like a good person to me. People seem to be treating you badly and Im sorry. I will pray for you and hope you do too. When I am in rough times I always pray and it ALWAYS helps.

    Have you tried EMDR for Post Traumatic Stress? Also a book about tapping called "Instant Emotional Healing" is good.

    You are very young and many good things lie ahead. Dont give up hope. My life was so hard at your age,but it got much better. PLEASE hang on. We here will be your friends and help.

    PLEASE NEVER HURT YOURSELF. WE will offer you hope when you feel there is none. We will find it for you and help you with all we have!!!! My love and prayers to you!!!!

    Write if you like,

  9. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    your talking to a person who lost everything...
    Hope, goals, dreams.......

    I know i will be dieing soon if something doesnt change
    I will wake up from this nightmarish dream called life

    Ever since i lost myself, my soul has been dieing slowly ever since
    You see I am alone in this dream, i dont remember the feeling of happiness and love.. i dont even remember whats feeling alive is anymore...
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know that you're not a failure. :hug: It sucks that you had a bad experience when you called the crisis hotline. No matter what time of the day it was, the person who answered had no right to get mad at you.
  11. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    :( ya but it took alot of courage for me to call them and now when the days are cold and i realize my dream is unreachable, and the day thats the end to my days is near, the only person that can stop me will be the one i love...

    to bad she doesnt exist..
  12. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    PLEASE DONT EVER HURT YOURSELF. I am praying for you and hope you do too. If your dream fades,maybe you can find a new or even better dream. I have had to many times in my life. Sometimes you see that the dream you wanted wasnt what you thought!!!!

    Write me if you like,

  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know making that call took a lot of courage, and it wasn't fair that you were pushed away when calling wasn't an easy thing for you to do. Don't give up though, keep reaching out here or wherever you can. It's worth it ... you're worth it.
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