I havent been here for while, but feel the need to write. Ive gone really depressed today and not entirely sure why. At the moment I am doing my finals. There is alot riding on them. The house has been stressful as 2 of my housemates have also been doing them. On friday i panicked about my saturday exam, it went ok luckily. My housemate had an exam today and yesterday panic set in and she was very stressed and upset. I havent known her be like that before. I know she gets stressed around exams but this was different. She had cried and I could tell. Iv tried my best to be there for her and the 3 hours she was in her exam today were really hard work. I couldnt stop worrying about her. But I got the good news that it went really well. I am so pleased for her. She has worked so hard and deserves to do really well. Plus she is an amazing person. My last exam isnt until thursday. At the moment I am struggling with revision. Im so tired and cant find the will to go on. My housemate has gone out to celebrate the end of her exams (end of uni really) and my other housemate is going out to. For some reason whenever I am left alone I always end up depressed. Another thing is it could be because it is the end of uni and everyone has plans to go their separate ways and I struggle because I get so emotionally attached to people. Sometimes that can be a good quality, others it hard work. Plus my hormones are all over the place. Just hate this feeling. I want a hug but no one to give me one. I dont think I will ever find anyone. Both my housemates have said tonite about how they have put weight on - they are skinny! Im not majorly fat, but not skinny either. And it has just gotten to me. It was one of the things I wanted to change whilst being at uni. Ive gained alot from being here, have more confidence that I would if I hadnt of come, but I feel I have held myself back. I look at my housemate and she has really made the most of it, joined loads of clubs met loads of people. At most there will only be 3 people that i keep in touch with after uni. And thats a sad thing to show for the past 3 years. I just wish I had made more of it. I wish I could change. I wish I could be someone else. I wish I could be my housemate!