Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Mar 7, 2010.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i don't know what to do

    i either have to go back to work tomorrow or i have to go out on short-term disability

    if i go back to work i will return to the project from hell, my suffocating cubicle, and the pills in my desk

    if i go out on disability, the company will insist on a psychiatrist that i will be unable to talk to - when that doesn't go well i'm sure they will find some excuse to get me out as a cost-cutting measure

    i know this sounds stupid but it's starting to make me crazy
  2. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member


    Desicions are really hard but u can only do what you think is best for you. If you feel unable to go to work a psychiatrist isn't all that bad they can help sort some stuff out for you. On the other hand going in to work might be the perfect distraction. U could always go in and if u feel u can't cope go back home again. At least that way u tried yeah?

    Hope ui are able to make the desicion.

    Take care.

  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I does not sound stupid at all, in fact it all sounds all quite distressing and unsettling.

    Sometimes a break, in this case a short-term leave, is good and gives one time to recharge and regroup so as to make a stronger stand in the future. I know you have been going through a lot I have seen all your posts so maybe this is could be a time to get the help that you so deserve.

    Why do you think they will have such poor care for you? Why do you think you will be unable to talk to the pdoc? It is not easy but you do have to make the effort to talk to them if you truly want to get better. I didn't like some parts of what it took to help get me stable but being in misery was far worse and I hated being in crisis all the times so I did what it took.

    I hope you choose deserve it and have been in pain for far too long...Good luck with it all and we are always here for you.
  4. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    they would cut you while out on disability?!

    Is a longer term disability a possibility?

    Is another job a possibility?

    sorry if my questions sound dumb.

    **hugs** I know this is a struggle
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i don't think they would cut me while i'm on disability but they would set me up for it when i got back - they've already done it to the only other person who was there longer than me

    short-term runs for 3 months at full pay - after that long-term cuts my pay to 60% - with my wife unable to find another job we would probably lose the house

    been looking for another job, but the only ones i can find that i'm qualified for are either with my company - or in the northwest

    even if i could get another job in a different state, my kids are going to state universities - if they stay in NY the tuition will jump and any other job i can get will most likely pay less
  6. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    i just don't think going back right now, is such a good idea.

  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    still wasn't sure last night if i was going to go to work or not, so i set my alarm and didn't take the sleeping pill

    that didn't work out so well - apparently i need that stupid pill just to get some continuous sleep

    by the time my alarm was about to go off i realized i couldn't go to work - i can't face all those people, my cube, or my job - i just lay in bed crying and wishing i was dead

    i feel like a total failure

    i'll start the short-term disability process this morning but i'm not sure there's a point other than to keep my life insurance long enough for me to work up the nerve
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    apparently the company had already fed-exed the forms to the house

    not exactly sure how that makes me feel
  9. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I think you can look at this as a gift, extra time to get better without the stress of work, time to find help that is helpful maybe? You are lucky that your employer offers short term disability, it could be worse, some people dont even get sick days at work!
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    you're prbably right

    it just feels like i wasn't given a choice - like everything else


    not sure where my head is right now
  11. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Yeah, it sucks to feel powerless when you already feel like shit. I get that. Try to take it in stride. Being at work was making things more difficult, so really, you decided last week that you didn't want to be there, just think of this as an extension of that decision....or something...I dont know, I do hope you use the time to focus on recovery!
  12. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hope your time off helps you get some rest and maybe a new perspective of life...
    I think it's very couragious that you are looking for another job...
    I hope you find one..hugs
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