Stretched Too Thin?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by SinisterKid, Jul 18, 2016.

  1. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I ask for trouble sometimes and only have myself to blame.

    I have been told time after time by my therapists to not expect too much too soon, especially of myself. But I have high expectations of myself. Then I have the added factor of needing to look after myself if I want to get "well" again. But I dont eat well and dont sleep well.

    I think I am stretching myself too thin. I am doing various group therapies which are challenging and hard work. A lot of the stuff focuses on self awareness and thats something that is not a strength of mine. Its all work and maybe I need to do something which is more fun based?

    I have a friend who I constantly worry about. She seems to have so many issues and half the time I just dont know how to help or what to do.

    I have this place which is important to me. I am maybe trying to help/support too many at one time, but that is me. I care about people, especially those who are suffering or in pain and I want to help/support them. But I cant help/support everyone, its just not possible.

    I dont accept help or ask for help easily. I dont seek support. I accept whats given, when its given, but otherwise, I am here for others. I feel this overwhelming urge to support anyone who is having a hard time. I want their pain to go away. I would happily take it from them if I could.

    Am I some kind of naive fool, thinking I can help everyone, whereas I can barely help myself? Am I a idiot for constantly trying to support others when I barely have enough strength to support myself? Am I just stretching myself too thinly and sooner or later I am going to pay a price for that?
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No not a naive fool at all. I think helping others helps you and there is nothing wrong with that, I care about people a lot too without being too well myself, it doesn't make me a fool, it makes me a good person. You are a great support to many here and give people a glimpse of hope. Keep on encouraging and supporting others because I believe what goes around comes around and karma. Amazing person you are and please never stop being yourself because you're awesome :)
     
    lightning05, SinisterKid and iam like this.
  3. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    You're not a fool at all. I find myself giving people who are depressed or anxious advice and then I think to myself, "hmm, if only I could help myself this way or listen to my own advice." Like Petal said, helping other people is a way to help yourself. I am on SF to help and be helped by others. With that being said, maybe you do need to do something fun in addition all of your group therapies. Sometimes therapy can be draining and it is a lot of work. You need to balance that out with something that takes your mind off of your depression. (I know, easier said than done). I don't think there is ever a "price to pay for helping others." The only thing you should get in return for that is a good feeling!
     
    SinisterKid likes this.
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Someone very smart said to me recently that when it comes to helping people, you have to "put your own life jacket and oxygen mask on first". You can't help anyone if you are dead or injured - that also goes for burned out and exhausted, mentally and emotionally.

    I think as well that sometimes helping others can be something we use to avoid dealing with our own lives and problems. When I first came here I would have eight to ten chat PM's open at a time and be in the room as well. I could never say no to someone wanting to chat in PM and with a couple of notable exceptions - people who literally saved my life - none of the dozens of people I chatted with for hours and hours and hours over that couple of years knew a thing about me or my problems. In the end, it burned me out. I couldn't sustain it and I realised it was making me worse.

    I love SF. I think that the people who come here and are able to step out of their own problems and issues to lend support to others are some of the strongest and most amazing people I have ever met. I am so proud of our members and you exemplify what makes SF work - what makes it such a help to so many people.

    On behalf of those people who have not been able to, I want to thank you - for that support and that effort and that time. You are important. It is, however, impossible to help everyone. And we always tell everyone here you have to look after yourself first. Put your life jacket on - grab your oxygen mask - give yourself and your life the time and attention and care it needs. THEN you can help other people climb out of the plane-crash that they feel their lives have become.
     
    SinisterKid likes this.
  5. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thanks Freya, I think you get exactly where I am coming from with this post. That someone certainly did give some very smart advice and I shall try to take that onboard and remember it.