Hi all. I'm 25 years old, I write from Italy. I think that in my life I was almost always depressed. but I was always capable to cope with it. I reached the bottom at 21 years, I was lonely and unemployed and I went out home only a few hours a week. Then my situation improved, day after day, year after year. Well, I'm always in the same limbo, but at least the job keeps me busy, my health is fine (and I can appreciate this specially - having experienced that it is not a given), and I've the HOPE to live a decent life. My great plan is to change career (my current job is a dead-end and it's likely going to be off-shored in a few years), this while maintaining myself in good health, and then joining some social activities and meet new peoples. My desire is to have a decent life to share with my love - the difficult part being finding some woman who is interested in me. In the bad days (like this one) all the hope turns into frustration and feeling of defeat, but I'm used to this, and I just wait for the time to pass and the night to come, so I will go to sleep. The sleep - alongside with Internet - is my refuge to escape from the desperation. What I'm not used to is being worried about my brother, and now I am and I find it difficult to cope with this. He is in my same situation when I was at the bottom and I can't save him. I do my best to not bother him and to be available for him when needed, but my capability to help him is limited by the fact that I'm depressed too and I've to care about myself first - else I can not be capable to support him. I fear to lose him, I fear that he will not be as strong as me. When this comes to my mind then I feel like a shade of death all over the place and I feel desperate like in the worse days I can remember of. Under this shade all the other things are worthless, I'm powerless and I have no "great plan" nor hope or ambition.