Strong but not for two

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mrk, Nov 19, 2009.

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  1. mrk

    mrk New Member

    Hi all.

    I'm 25 years old, I write from Italy. I think that in my life I was almost always depressed. but I was always capable to cope with it. I reached the bottom at 21 years, I was lonely and unemployed and I went out home only a few hours a week.

    Then my situation improved, day after day, year after year. Well, I'm always in the same limbo, but at least the job keeps me busy, my health is fine (and I can appreciate this specially - having experienced that it is not a given), and I've the HOPE to live a decent life.

    My great plan is to change career (my current job is a dead-end and it's likely going to be off-shored in a few years), this while maintaining myself in good health, and then joining some social activities and meet new peoples. My desire is to have a decent life to share with my love - the difficult part being finding some woman who is interested in me.

    In the bad days (like this one) all the hope turns into frustration and feeling of defeat, but I'm used to this, and I just wait for the time to pass and the night to come, so I will go to sleep. The sleep - alongside with Internet - is my refuge to escape from the desperation.

    What I'm not used to is being worried about my brother, and now I am and I find it difficult to cope with this. He is in my same situation when I was at the bottom and I can't save him. I do my best to not bother him and to be available for him when needed, but my capability to help him is limited by the fact that I'm depressed too and I've to care about myself first - else I can not be capable to support him.

    I fear to lose him, I fear that he will not be as strong as me. When this comes to my mind then I feel like a shade of death all over the place and I feel desperate like in the worse days I can remember of. Under this shade all the other things are worthless, I'm powerless and I have no "great plan" nor hope or ambition.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can only let your brother know you care for him and if you see signs of suicide in him call crisis for him right away. Don't make the mistake i made and do nothing as i lost my brother because i thought he would be alright.If youbelieve he is going to harm self then call for help for him and you if you get to point pain too much. Don't fight this on yourown crisis will talk with you and get you help if you need it. take care
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    But your brother is lucky to have you there. You can help him through all that you experienced and all you did to turn things around. He needs to know that you do understand and that you are there for him. You know yourself how isolated depression can make a person become. So dont let him find that isolation.

    And like violet said, if you really fear he is going to harm himself, then dont hesitate to get the crisis people or even the police involved. Even if only to give yourself peace of mind.

    You are a very strong and courageous person. And I can understand how watching him struggle like you did, would bring back too many dark memories and feelings. And that is why it is very important for you to take care of yourself right now. If you have a therapist or counsellor or pdoc, talk to them about what is happening. You might even want to look into a support group where you can have others help you while you try to help your brother. And please dont try to do this alone. Maybe you could convince your brother to attend a support group too or even one that you could both go to. Then you know there will others there to help him and he wont have to depend on only you. Get him help too like a therapist or such.
    He is a very lucky young man to have you in his corner trying to help him not have to battle the pain you did. Good luck.
  4. brueyh1976

    brueyh1976 Well-Known Member

    Your brother's very lucky to have you there. I wish I had a sister who was there for me. Look after him as best you can. Look after you as well. Help him to hang on and to keep fighting the fight. If you do need someone to talk to, you can PM me anytime.
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