Struggle street

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by na-taya, Apr 22, 2016.

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  1. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I'm struggling still from last night i had hopes that some sleep and a new day would change maybe improve it even just a little bit.
    Nope.
    I'm trying to find reasons to hold on and to keep going but I'm coming up blank.
    Not even my cats are working ones been super affectionate today but I just can feel it.
    Nothing is worth it everything is so pointless......I don't even know why im trying to hold on.......what for.......
    How long will this last.
    I want out.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    *hugs*

    I'm sorry you're struggling so bad hun.
    What about your friend? Your lovely cats? Do you have a dream?

    Please don't give up hun, rather than giving up, could you call a crisis number and let them help you?

    Stay safe, know that you matter!
     
  3. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    My friend only need me when I give her money or look after her daughter for her.

    My cats i can't even feel close to them right now even tho one basically hasn't left me alone all day he keeps following me around....

    I'll just hold out for as long as I can its been a long day trying not to reach for my supplies....

    I don't have any dreams i use to wanna be a teacher but that's so far fetched for someone like me so no point holding on to that....
     
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Are you sure she doesn't, hun? Remember a depressed brain loves those lies...

    Maybe you can still teach, what about tutoring, or helping other teachers if you can't manage the position on your own? Isn't that something to fight for?

    Please be safe hun. You matter *hugs you*
     
  5. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I'm quiet sure that she dosnt care unless she can get benifit from me.....I use to think different about it but recently our friendship has proved me otherwise.

    I don't see the point in trying to be a teacher's assistant or helper or anything...heck most kids are smarter than me these days.

    I'm finding it extreamly hard to find hope in any situation right now.
     
  6. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    It's 4am I'm wide awake nothing but death can take me away from this torture that is living....

    I am trying hard to hang on but with every second i get weaker...

    I don't want to be In a battle anymore i am not a fighter
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    What's making this evening so hard for you hun? Talk to us. Death is not a solution for anything.
     
  8. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Its not just this evening its been for weeks, some days worse than other yes but it never really goes away.

    I'm just tied, I don't want to fight myself anymore. I don't really have words because everything move so fast and plus I'm being conscious of what I say as I don't want to seem rude or ungreatful.

    I just feel like i can't keep going. I'm doing my best to hold on but I no longer know what or why i am trying to hold on.....so i dont upset others?? But what about me and how i feel what about the torment that i live why should anyone expect someone to want to continue to live like that.
     
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