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struggling a bit

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icequeen

Well-Known Member
#1
my moods this last week are so up and down...but today seems worse or maybe i am just reacting more....i can just suddenly feel like throwing myself out bedroom window..i hate the way my "feelings" control me without warning, i am just flipping from nothing to just do it! i hate this flipping of emotions, i hate this lack of control..i hate the nothingness, yet rl is even more threatening, the confusion fills me with fear..i am neither here nor there, i dont know whats real or my thoughts...am i really watching myself or is it someone else...this just makes it harder deal with what i need to deal with but i dont want to deal with...too many battles, too many wars...sometimes you have to just surrender.....
 

Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#2
i know what you mean - what triggers me one day won't do it another and sometimes i have no idea what the trigger was

and it's so damned hard to keep moving, keep breathing when that feeling comes out of nowhere and grabs you by the short hairs and overwhelms you

but it can be done - not easily and definitely not fun - but it can be done

been actively fighting it for well over 30 years going back to when i can point to solid evidence of my issues

i still come close and i still get tired and sometimes even start down that last stretch of road - but i still keep coming back
 
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