my moods this last week are so up and down...but today seems worse or maybe i am just reacting more....i can just suddenly feel like throwing myself out bedroom window..i hate the way my "feelings" control me without warning, i am just flipping from nothing to just do it! i hate this flipping of emotions, i hate this lack of control..i hate the nothingness, yet rl is even more threatening, the confusion fills me with fear..i am neither here nor there, i dont know whats real or my thoughts...am i really watching myself or is it someone else...this just makes it harder deal with what i need to deal with but i dont want to deal with...too many battles, too many wars...sometimes you have to just surrender.....