struggling again.,. in secret

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by black_rose_13, Nov 18, 2007.

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  1. im telling everyone im fine
    im acting fine
    im pretending to be fine

    but im not im planning and i really REALLY dont want to be here anymore..but im managing to keep myself safe at the moment.

    i dont want anyone around me to no im planning again

    its all so difficult now

    someone help? please?

    > dont worry about my safety i am managing to stay safe at the moment <
  2. oh and 88 days? no. i just cut and it felt so good, but i wish i hadnt :( i wish i was fuckign stronger and not such a useless idiot. i deserve the pain.. 88 days all gone..
  3. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Hi, I know how you feel... I pretty much feel the same way. That mask of 'all's well' becomes heavy to wear at times. Personaly I am sweating so much underneath, but still the mask wont come down or off... dont want to bother family's peace.... so suffering in silence.... but its so so hard.

    Can you tell what has changed that is has become so hard at the moment?
    Perhaps letting go some of it here will help some. :hug:

  4. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Hun do not see a single stepping down as a failure. It reminds you how human you are and how much strenght you've got inside to succeed. More aware we are the better we are prepared to face our ordeals to fight.
  5. Fuzzy Monkey

    Fuzzy Monkey Well-Known Member

    hun pls talk to me tell me whats going on u know that im here for u and i always will be pls dont do anything to hurt yourself, i care so much about u
  6. im going to stay safe i just want to SCREAM.
  7. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    Sarah, what's wrong?

    You're stronger than this, much stronger. Don't feel about cutting yourself, sweetie, it's a release of tension and stress but please don't do it again. You are above that - I know that, you know that and we all know that. I'm always here for you if you need me, and that's a promise. Be safe, be strong, stay alive.

  8. its so hard to feel like this. i hate myself for cutting.

    I HATE YOU ME. :(
  9. everyday im feeling worse and worse yet pretending to be fine..

    i dont no how much longer i can do this for..

    lying all the time..

    i no theres an easy way out but i refuse to end up in hospital yet again

    please make this stop..
  10. livingonlight

    livingonlight Active Member

    I relate to that so much! My automatic responce to questions is a bright smile and "I'm great"! I know no one wants to here how misrable I am and even suicide hotlines only stay on with you until they know you are not in the final act of killing yourself. This is one reason most people are so shocked when their loved one take their life, "She had so much going for her. She was such a lovely girl", etc...
    I hate the idea of ending up in hospital, so I wont tell anyone or try counseling ever again.
    I've decided to just accept my suicidal feelings. I may or may not act on them but atleast I'm over the misery of hating my own feelings and wanting to kill myself more.
    I hope that you can find some comfort today and some one to listen.
  11. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    sarah try to re think all those day that you didn't cut that can help you get stronger hun, and you know i'm here to help you hun :hug:
  12. angelicgoddessofdeath

    angelicgoddessofdeath Active Member

    i'm always telling everyone that i'm okay and that nothing is wrong as well. i'm planning something too and i don't anyone to know. i guess what it is that i am trying to say is i know what it is like and so um if you want my help or anything i'm here for you. feel free to pm me or add me to my friendlist...but if not that is your choice really, ya know?
  13. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Sarah..:sad: Hun, maybe you should tell someone how you're feeling, they can try to help you.
  14. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    I agree with Jesus hun. You should try to share with someone you trust how you feel...... spit out that rospo you got in your throat..... spit it out and let others know how much you need them to be aware of it and help you by accepting their support..... no doubt they will be there for you and with you should you give them a chance hun.

    Be well and most....stay safe.
  15. thankyou all for your help it means such a lot that people care.
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