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Struggling already...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Aurora Gory Alice, May 20, 2010.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I've been at my new job for less than a week (this will be day 3 - shift 3) and already I am struggling.

    All of the happy-pappy smiling faces around. People telling me about their husbands, boyfriends, kids. Loved up couples coming in to the pub. Attractive girls everywhere when I'm a fat ugly cow. People talking about their brilliant jobs and careers while here I am stuck serving them in a crap pub.
    I know I need to be told and shown how the place works, but some times (with certain people) it feels like they are being patronising when they are telling me how to do stuff. I'm like it's a pub! How hard can it be? I've seen people with learning difficulties working in pubs.
    I know it's my hypersensitivity that is doing all of that. These people are trying to help by informing me, but I see it as I'm being patronised and talked down to. Ugh... why can't I shake this.

    I know I am doing all of this to improve my standard of life.

    Money will mean I can pay off a lot of my debts (the £3,000 that is hanging over my head and making me even more depressed) and also save up to go back to college and actually study towards a 'decent' career like nursing or teaching.
    Money also means I can buy things, clothes, make up, okay material things yes but they make me smile and make me feel better and when I don't have them I feel worse.
    I am away from my home town, very very far away! Surely I should be glad of this? That place was swallowing me whole, everywhere I looked around I was reminded of what made me depressed but now I'm not even there. I should be happy, right?
    My Doctor even said to me working will improve your depression, it'll give you routine and purpose.

    I know ALL of this, yet today I struggled to get out of bed and tomorrow I will no doubt struggle again.

    What is wrong with me?
  2. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Making a move and starting a new job is a big thing to do even when you don't suffer from any mental health issues, so try just a little to not be so hard on yourself.

    I can only say, give it a bit of time. You might become more comfortable once you learn the ropes and have a routine in place.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree with domo...give yourself credit for giving change a go...hard enough normally...harder still when we get depressed.....
    you deserve a pat on the back...I hope you hold on and give it a go.....
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Going back to work was a big step.. Being on third shift is also very taxing.. I know when I was on third shift all I did was sleep all day..Give yourself some credit.. You are an intelligent individual..You will have a routine down in no time..
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You are not the only one who struggles to get out of bed when it comes to work. Everyday I hate my job more and more. So I struggle to come in. Whether it be the fact that the job is boring or my confusion about my PM or wanting to get to know the cute CSR girls. My job depresses me and make it hard for me to come in everyday.

    Just because you are earning money that does not make a job easy or fun. Plus the beginning of a job is always hard. Do not worry you are not alone.
  6. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to come and vent to and get advice from. I very nearly packed my suitcase and went home today, but if I do that I'll attempt when I get there, because I will feel like such a failure and my mum and brother will only confirm that for me by me not sticking it out, and I don't want that. I want to stay here and try my damndest. I know it's not gonna be easy but I am really going to try.
  7. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Hi Aurora :hug:

    Change is always a difficult thing. When I made the change from high school to university and from university to co-op work, I remember having difficulties and being sad. Of course some people are better at dealing with change than others. Of course if you go in with low confidence to begin with, even the little things that go wrong can make it seem like hell. Stick with it for a little while, at until you're really comfortable with the ropes. If there is something still bothering you when you know the job well, could be something else that's making the experience miserable.

    You have a great goal by the way. I hope you can knock off the debt, go back to school and pursue your dreams.

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