I've been at my new job for less than a week (this will be day 3 - shift 3) and already I am struggling. All of the happy-pappy smiling faces around. People telling me about their husbands, boyfriends, kids. Loved up couples coming in to the pub. Attractive girls everywhere when I'm a fat ugly cow. People talking about their brilliant jobs and careers while here I am stuck serving them in a crap pub. I know I need to be told and shown how the place works, but some times (with certain people) it feels like they are being patronising when they are telling me how to do stuff. I'm like it's a pub! How hard can it be? I've seen people with learning difficulties working in pubs. I know it's my hypersensitivity that is doing all of that. These people are trying to help by informing me, but I see it as I'm being patronised and talked down to. Ugh... why can't I shake this. I know I am doing all of this to improve my standard of life. Money will mean I can pay off a lot of my debts (the £3,000 that is hanging over my head and making me even more depressed) and also save up to go back to college and actually study towards a 'decent' career like nursing or teaching. Money also means I can buy things, clothes, make up, okay material things yes but they make me smile and make me feel better and when I don't have them I feel worse. I am away from my home town, very very far away! Surely I should be glad of this? That place was swallowing me whole, everywhere I looked around I was reminded of what made me depressed but now I'm not even there. I should be happy, right? My Doctor even said to me working will improve your depression, it'll give you routine and purpose. I know ALL of this, yet today I struggled to get out of bed and tomorrow I will no doubt struggle again. What is wrong with me?