Struggling and had a scary thing happen in therapy.

[Gina]

I've been really struggling and my therapist knows it. More then half way through the session she said when I came in I said "I feel like cutting but I'm afraid I'd cut to deep".
I have no memory of saying that at all. Being introverted I usually think well before I say something. It was incredilby scarry to me that I said that and had no memory of it. I've never experienced doing that before and it makes no sense to me that I said it. I had cut in the past and haven't for some time because of having gone to deep - which is why I don't do it anymore. I was not thinking about cutting.
How could I have said this, it make no sense to me and I have no memory of saying it. I was really upset right away after she said I said it, because I was scared that that happened.
I really wonder if I am losing control some how. I've been through a lot with 25yrs. depression experience and haven't ever had this happen.

 

[WildCherry]

Sounds scary. :hug: Did your therapist have any advice or suggestions?

 

[Inker19]

I've been really struggling and my therapist knows it. More then half way through the session she said when I came in I said "I feel like cutting but I'm afraid I'd cut to deep".
I have no memory of saying that at all. Being introverted I usually think well before I say something. It was incredilby scarry to me that I said that and had no memory of it. I've never experienced doing that before and it makes no sense to me that I said it. I had cut in the past and haven't for some time because of having gone to deep - which is why I don't do it anymore. I was not thinking about cutting.
How could I have said this, it make no sense to me and I have no memory of saying it. I was really upset right away after she said I said it, because I was scared that that happened.
I really wonder if I am losing control some how. I've been through a lot with 25yrs. depression experience and haven't ever had this happen.

I'd leave this therapist and start seeing someone else. She got you to believe you actually said it even though you know you didn't, so what's stopping her from saying you came in an threatened to slit your throat?

 

[Gina]

Yeah, she said I was exhausted and not thinking clearly or remembering clearly, earlier I told her I only had 2 hours sleep and was dazed. (I remember that.)
I've only seen her for about 8 mos. and do like her. I really do feel that she is trying hard to get me. Switching isn't something I want to consider right now.
I've had a few other weird things go on over the last couple of months, weirdest was a no questions asked really(?) happened for first time ever visual hallusination (-I'm dyslexic so excuse my spelling). That maybe why I'm so sensitive to what happened today. Wondering if I'm really losing it.
I'm in my 40's so I think I missed the sczophernic window. (yeah - I'm not looking up that spelling either - I won't mention spelling anymore.)

 

[Gina]

Oh this sucks. I don't know if I should go to hosp., my therapist thinks it might be a good idea, but is leaving it up to me to say the word. I guess it is kind of weird that she mentioned it's a bad time with the weekend coming - WTF. She is much more compasionate then the guy I saw for 5 yrs. before her. I completely know what a hosp. can and can not offer, so that isn't the full issue.
I'm so out of it today because of lack of sleep, which is in one way good that my mind is more tired and my thoughts so far are not going to the dark place.
But, is it lack of sleep that I didn't know what I said, or the losing my mind thing? I'm sure I won't do anything or go to hosp. tonight, but worry about what the night will bring or tomorrow.

 

[twc]

Sometimes medication can make you do strange things or have memory lapses.

Also, sometimes I have a conversation in my head with a therapist right before an appointment, which means certain things are on the tip of my tongue.

If it has only happened once, I wouldn't dwell on it.

 

[toofargone]

Gina, it is amazing what a lack of sleep can do to you. You can hallucinate, have memory loss, loss of coordination, etc. Many traffic stops that police make suspecting drunk driving turn out to be people who are suffering from sleep deprivation. They act and drive like they are drunk, just from a lack of sleep.

I'd say before you do anything else, get caught up on sleep. If necessary use meds, or if you are into natural remedies, try valerian root, I know people that swear by it.

After you're better rested, see how you are doing. If you are still having these problems, then maybe a hospital or something like that may be in order.

Best of luck!