I am struggling at the moment. This is my 2nd Christmas without my daughter. I visited the site yesterday where she killed herself. I found that a couple of people had left rocks with "RIP" and someone had made a cross. My mum came with me and she got a bit upset. I have a bit of an eating disorder. I have been seeing a shrink for my grief issues and she is getting stuck into me about my eating. I have eaten a bit more so my parents don't get worried. But I feel happier when I eat less. Even though I am close to being in the healthy weight range she still harps on about it. I mean enough already. Today I went to my sister-in-laws for Christmas. My newphew who is 4 was running around while I am trying to eat and getting a plastic toy and hitting it right near my shoulder at somebody else. I ended up moving seats. I like my personal space. Then there were all his relatives fussing and owwing and arring over him, sort of got on my nerves, I think I need a bit of piece and quiet. Then I got home and ended up going for a drive (I tend to do this to relieve stress) and I took my dogs for a walk. My mum and dad have been here since last Saturday. Maybe I am getting exhausted from having to put the happy face on for so long. I am waiting for them to go home so I can go back to my old eating habits, I can see the weight coming back on. I feel happier when not eating properly. (I know this is not normal but it is better than feeling suicidal) I go back to work next week. I am too scared to ring the shrink as I don't want the cat team getting involved. I have a welfare section at work, but they have dobbed me into the cat team before and have even rung my husband and told him when I just said I struggling. So this is the only place left. I am not on medication because the shrink says that I am not depressed. I have made a few attempts on my life in the past 18 months. I will not do anything silly whilst my parents are here.