My story is probably similar to everyone else. At a young age I was diagnose with a kidney and bladder disorder that is not enough to cause significant morbidity but enough to cause severe daily pain and inability to go out drink or even do much. As a result I spent most childhood indoors and was unable to make friends. Socially awkward with zero self esteem I struggle with even the basics of life. I spent my life trying to prevent my pain that I prevented my self from feeling anything at all. I finished my bachelors but alone in debt with no job or career to call my own. I moved back in with family and discovered that my parents whom I once thought highly are just selfish and nothing more. Everyone I have ever loved has died or betrayed me. I see no good characteristics in anyone. After my near death car wreck I realized for all the years I have lived, not one moment have I been happy. My heart is broken and I no longer have the drive nor motivation to continue. My health is deteriorating and I hate everyone. Humanity is justselfish and if you experienced what I have then you would understand. I give all my energy to fight my sadness and health that I have nothing left. I have chronic pain with no chance for relief. I just think the battle is not worth it. What I am I getting. A life filled with pain and debt to what work forever and be unable to enjoy life. What is life if youcannot live it. I am a logical pre med student and I see this as the only probable alternative. I wanted to use my health experiences to help others but I cannot help them if I cannot physically or mentally stabalize myself. I have not smiled for once as I am afraid to let out emotions at the risk of dumping and harming another. I know suicide will harm others but how long do we have to care for others at the risk to ourselves especially when it is never givenback. I try to see good in humanity but I see nothing. I am just a broken mistake that will be forgotten. I feel it is the most logical decision as it is my life and no one and nothing matters when your faced with death. In the end the only person with you as you die is you. Obviously I am writing to communicate with others, but I am not sure why seeing as I have rationalized this decision with logic.