Struggling to Live

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by UnwantedSoul, Feb 8, 2009.

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  1. UnwantedSoul

    UnwantedSoul Well-Known Member

    I can't take this life anymore. I'm losing myself to the darkness; falling deeper and deeper as the days pass. I want more than anything to regain the ability to save myself, but somewhere along the road, I must have lost it. Though, maybe I never possessed such an ability in the first place. Whatever the case may be, I feel as though I'm left without options. Suicide has become my only solace. I plan it every second I get, making sure its flawless; I think about it at all hours of the day, and most of the time I can't sleep because I am in such agony and torment. I ask myself if its worth it; the pain and the suffering my actions will bestow upon those whom I love, and the only conclusion I reach is, if it be a selfish act in its own, then I need not worry about them. So as the self-centered person I am, I see this as the only way to vindicate myself in this so called life.

    Its quite interesting, though, for while I feel so set in my decision, I am still here; unable to follow through. This is what leads me to believe that I am, indeed, in a crisis. Sure it all sounds dramatic, but this has become my life. A life where I struggle to survive each day; saving myself from myself. I am caught within the tight grip of Depression and Life itself, letting them both get the best of me. If only, by reaching out, may I have the possibility to find relief, and people who understand. I hope that maybe I have done the right thing, and that here I might find comfort.

    Thanks for reading a little insight into my life,
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    this in itself will help you save yourself hun, you may not have the energy right now to do it, but you want to, which mean there is a hope, it may be small, but its there. you havent sold yourself away yet.

    talk to me about it all, unload your pain. what has happened to you to cause this?

    what support do you have there for you? have you been to see any medical help?
    i also welcome you here and open my arms for you, everyone deserves comfort :hug:
  3. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum Becca. Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. Your post sounds just how I felt when I first found the site. I hope you will find as much help and support here as I have had. Reaching out to the people here is a good sign because it shows you haven't lost all hope. Best wishes S.:smile:
  4. UnwantedSoul

    UnwantedSoul Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much for your reply, wheresmysheep, and for being so kind in doing so. To answer your question(s); I've been hospitilizaed before for an OD and was in therapy for awhile. I had to stop abruptly, though, and I really thought I was fine. I guess there's just a lot going on, too much. I have support, I guess, but not any that I want. I don't want my parents to feel like I'm such a burden, so I hide everything from them. So I guess, technically, I have no support here. That's why I came here. Hoping, maybe, I'd find some. Thanks again.
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    ah yes i totally relate though probably on different levels.i was in therapy once for a while, and stopped abruptly also, but tbh i didnt think the therapy was helping me anyway. eventually, when you feel up to it, maybe consider the therapy again.
    and having parents that are trying to help and not succeeding is just as unhelpful as not supporting you, i spend my days in my bed room, and barely socialise.
    but all i can say is try not to cut them off, on some level they do care, and you probably know deep down they dont want you to harm yourself.
    your their child, not a burden. :hug:

    i think you will find some help, people to relate to, here. we are a fairly mixed bunch as i'm sure you can tell if you looked about.

    i usually freaquent chat, so if you want a more one to one chat you can come talk to me, or anyone in there, or if its too daunting you are more than welcome to send me a private mail.

    i dont sleep much so i'll reply as long as i'm online :smile:
  6. UnwantedSoul

    UnwantedSoul Well-Known Member

    Yeah, thanks a lot. I checked out the chat room and felt really out of place, but maybe I'll try again. You have made me feel a lot better by taking the time to show me that I'm not alone. I've always known, but now I've seen that there are people who I can relate to and who care enough to talk to me. Maybe the world isn't as cruel as I thought. =]
  7. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    i see the world as cruel, but not through choice, its cruel because people have lost there own ways, to focused on themselves and having themselves be happy and not stopping for the person in the street who's paper bag has ripped because of the rain.

    yeah chat is a bit scary at first if you dont know people in there you feel a bit like wall paper. but i try my best to welcome everyone, though people always slip through the cracks :rolleyes:

    and i also think everyone belongs, just you need to find your niché and everyone has a niché wether its to be the wierdo that gets stared at when he/she walks down the street, or the popular cheer leader.
    you just got to accept whatever your niché is tho that can be hard :yes:

    sorry i'm rambling now.. :laugh: glad you feel a bit better/welcomed/not alone :smile:
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