struggling to see the point

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kayla19, Jan 6, 2009.

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  1. kayla19

    kayla19 Well-Known Member

    i've made so many shitty decisions and messed so many things up that i just don't know if i'm strong enough to fix it all and get out from under it.

    and even if i am strong enough, do i even want to?

    everytime i think i might be getting a fraction closer to some kind of peace or happiness, it's ripped away from me and i just can't keep going through that.

    it's getting harder and harder for me to not just say forget it, and give up on everything.

    i just want to die.
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Kayla,
    Thats my grandaughters nick name her full name is Makahyla. Small world huh! It sounds to me as you have lost all hope in other people. Have you been in therapy? If so maybe you need to find a new therapist. I have socialphobia amongst other illnesses and after going thru three therapists I found one I could bond with. She is very good at what she does. I never smile because of the way I was brought up. She will get a half ass smile out of me and then crack up laughing at me. That actually does pick me up a little.
    I have had the rug pulled out from under me so many times that I have given up on ever having friends or a relationship in the real world. The friends I have met here on line are all I need that and my pup. He shows me the true meaning of unconditional love.
    Try not to fortune tell. You can't know what the future holds, if you try all you will do is manipulate it a little. Live each day for itself. I am an isolationist and have chosen to be one. I can't talk with people because my anxiety gets sky high and I loose my train of thought right in the middle of what I am trying to say, so I feel ignorant and ashamed. Rather than have those feelings I just don't talk to anyone on the outside. I even have to edit my replys on here to make sure I am making sence!!
    Please don't give up trying I am sure you will meet some very nice people here on the forum who will listen to you!! If you want to PM me I will be on line off and on until tomorrow because Thursday I am going back in the hospital. I don't know for how long. So hopefully when I get out you will be feeling much better about yourself!!!Take Care!!~Joseph~
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Wow I just looked at how long you have been a member. You have been here for a while, oh well my offer of friendship is genuine so I will talk to you when I get out!!!
     
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