i've made so many shitty decisions and messed so many things up that i just don't know if i'm strong enough to fix it all and get out from under it. and even if i am strong enough, do i even want to? everytime i think i might be getting a fraction closer to some kind of peace or happiness, it's ripped away from me and i just can't keep going through that. it's getting harder and harder for me to not just say forget it, and give up on everything. i just want to die.