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struggling today

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jell, Aug 24, 2014.

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  1. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    I have had a really bad few months where it ended up I needed for my son to go to his dads for a while, I did go into hospital for 5 days to see if i could get some help but they just messed me up more. I had been trying to get help for so long and nobody listened or those that did felt helpless. Im in supportive accommodation due to long hospitalisation, the thoughts of suicide are intrusive, i felt them as i went out yesterday, not going into that though. i had a mental health assessment a couple of weeks ago that i didn't actually know that was what it was. the thing is i still feel like screaming inside, to get off my face, i just paced and paced the other night till i ended up sh which makes me angry. I want to be 100% and i feel that I'm not and am scared it will all break down again my son means the world to me and it is often my children that stop me from doing something total. my friends anniversary was last friday and is it really wrong to feel jealous of her as she went fully through with it, I ended up getting sectioned as i just went chaotic in every way. I feel guilty for it not being me she had her whole life to live, i feel ashamed that i am also jealous and how it has affected everybody she had been in contact with. I feel I'm losing my mind i have to fight for everything and at times its just nobody understands.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are struggling so much right now I do hope that your supports can help you get more stable for you and for your son.
    The hospital did not help you say but it kept you safe right from harming you Have you been started on any new meds or therapy after your hospital stay
    If so it will take time for the meds to work and also the therapy I am glad you are talking here keep reaching out ok keep talking to us it helps in that you know you are not alone in the fight anymore
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    A lot of people suffering with depression feel no-one understands, but a lot of people do. What was the result of the mental health assessment? And have they offered you any more support! You CAN get better, depression is treatable but it can take a while. I thought my suicidal thoughts would never subside for years upon years but they did eventually when I got on the right mix of medication and therapy. You can do it. :)
  4. jell

    jell Well-Known Member

    I haven't had a mental health assessment as such it was to see if i should get sectioned and they didn't so that was good, I want a new assessment as I'm diagnosed with bpd and as far as i know you don't tend to have lows that last for such a long time and they come in cycles not around monthly cycles tho, I have been changed meds but that was before i went into hospital as all they seemed to do is keep upping my quetiepine rather than look at anything else, i want to be taken off my mitazapine as i don't feel that is doing anything but trying to get my psychiatrist to do this is a fight. I was taken off quetipine after much fighting and put on amplify which is helping, but i am on benzos too i hate em but i suffer chronic insomnia and they hopefully will work, they have just changed my meds at night from zopliclone to temazapam but I'm already on diazepam. I know i do have bpd but know you can have another disorder along with it and ppl are saying it sounds that i have a mood disorder too. i take so many meds at the moment its madness, partly physical but if they will help i will do anything I've also had the implant to see if that helps with my hormones but i have had therapy but not for the past two years i just want to stop these cycles as they are hell and it takes so much effort to get out of them. thank you for listening
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