I have had a really bad few months where it ended up I needed for my son to go to his dads for a while, I did go into hospital for 5 days to see if i could get some help but they just messed me up more. I had been trying to get help for so long and nobody listened or those that did felt helpless. Im in supportive accommodation due to long hospitalisation, the thoughts of suicide are intrusive, i felt them as i went out yesterday, not going into that though. i had a mental health assessment a couple of weeks ago that i didn't actually know that was what it was. the thing is i still feel like screaming inside, to get off my face, i just paced and paced the other night till i ended up sh which makes me angry. I want to be 100% and i feel that I'm not and am scared it will all break down again my son means the world to me and it is often my children that stop me from doing something total. my friends anniversary was last friday and is it really wrong to feel jealous of her as she went fully through with it, I ended up getting sectioned as i just went chaotic in every way. I feel guilty for it not being me she had her whole life to live, i feel ashamed that i am also jealous and how it has affected everybody she had been in contact with. I feel I'm losing my mind i have to fight for everything and at times its just nobody understands.