Struggling too

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bayareagirl, Jun 9, 2015.

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  1. bayareagirl

    bayareagirl Well-Known Member

    I read so many threads here and so many of us are saying the same thing just with different details; we've hit a wall with the medical profession, we feel stuck, overwhelmed, see no way forward. I am there too and I've felt this way for about 18 months now. I have better days, but my better days are still far from good. I gave up my job, don't go to work and rarely see friends any more. All the totally classic symptoms of depression - no longer enjoy the things I used to enjoy, have little motivation to do anything, feel utterly stuck and overwhelmed. I isolate a lot. I drag myself to volunteer once a week and go to the gym a couple of times a week but other than that, that is pretty much it.

    I've made contact with someone that can help me put a suicide plan in action and each day I try to find the tiniest reason for 'not today'. Some days I just don't know how I summon up that resolve and today is one of those days when I am fighting demons. It took me a while to figure out a plan but now I feel I am not many steps away and I could just do this any time.

    What do you do when you feel really really hopeless and wonder deep down if anything is going to change? I actually have fairly strong beliefs that it's down to each individual to create the life they want for themself but I can't seem to follow my own beliefs.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I escape. Or at least I try to... in a great film, novel, or piece of music. I try to do some of those things on my own; regardless of how good I am. I suppose, ultimately, I dream. Does it work? So far, it has-
  3. Ladygrace

    Ladygrace Active Member

    I try to find things that keep me interested or occupied no matter how small things are. Music, documentary's, movies, reading or games. You are volunteering which affects others in positive ways and going to the gym which is amazing work.
    The feeling of hopelessness is always there for me, but small changes can improve things a bit i have found dealing with depression. Somedays just need to be taken slower then others.
  4. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I wish that I knew what to do. Nothing interests me anymore.
  5. Redpill

    Redpill New Member

    i found learning a new hobby can help with this, specifically something you can make with your hands. as the old adage goes "idle hands are the devils play things". when i was in your situation i took up origami, it was easy to get into and all you needed was a flat surface and some paper, but it gave my hands something to do and eventually the folding came very easy to me. the hobby allowed me to escape my problems long enough to take a breather and relax, and when i returned my attention to my problems they all seemed much easier to cope with.

    hope this helps, also any hobby will do really though i would suggest something that allows you to create since nothing feels better than making something cool or interesting.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    When I am struggling go to cope SF helps me greatly but other than that I use the samaritans whenever I'm down or anxious. The samaritans are very helpful and rarely have I had a bad volunteer. I also like to read about medicine and have bought many medicine books it is just a hobby but it helps me.
  7. bayareagirl

    bayareagirl Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I am struggling with very intense suicidal feelings today. My sleep has been shot for .... years and pretty seriously these last few months. It's hard to emerge into the day feeling in deficit, every day and have your days and nights blur into one. I put a plan in action yesterday - the train has really left the station.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You need to get help, ignore your plans and get real help from a professional. It is the only way to move past this. I'd advise against making a plan to exit with someone for obvious reasons, please stop all relations with this person.

    You might feel like you want to die now. But will you want to die tomorrow? or saturday? Maybe not. Maybe so. But while you're alive that hope is still there for you. As someone recently said you can leave this world but you cannot leave where you go afterwards. Take your time to think things through and arrange an appointment, the nearest one you can get preferably,

    best of luck :hugs:
  9. bayareagirl

    bayareagirl Well-Known Member

    Thanks Petal. You are very kind. I've been in weekly therapy non stop for almost 2 years and I quit 2 weeks ago as nothing was really changing and yes, this is after trying several different therapists etc, 3 months in a partial hospitalization program. It's been a non stop struggle.
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