Struggling with Bisexuality and Marriage

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by nararabbit, Nov 12, 2014.

  1. nararabbit

    nararabbit Active Member

    Hi all.

    A few months ago I "came out" to my husband about having a girlfriend for 4 years before we met. I never purposely kept it a secret, it just never came up, and I was so attracted to him I figured I'd have no problem. He was a little surprised, but was raised in liberal California and is not particularly religious, so he didn't condemn me or anything. After I told him, he never brought it up again and I left it alone. However, his sex drive has dropped a lot from medication, and while I don't want to go outside the marriage, I am sexually frustrated (and I have told him this.) The lack of sex (maybe 1 time a month at 30 years old and even then it's half-hearted) is causing me to fantasize more, watch porn (which we are both okay with.)

    I am just struggling with guilt because before this, when our sex life was healthy, I never had thoughts or attractions to other men or women. Now I find myself eyeing handsome guys and pretty girls when we're out and about and thinking about them later. I feel like a terrible person.

    My therapist suggested asking if he would be okay with me having a same-sex relationship with another girl, but I know he would not go for that. He is not the jealous type at all, but believes strongly in monogamy, and that is what we both committed to when we married. I also don't want him wondering if every time I hang out with a friend if I am really getting it on, when I'm not.

    I am lost, frustrated, and guilty. I guess I just need to share my feelings. :(