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Struggling with food restriction... and I also don't care (?)

CandleLight

Well-Known Member
#1
Hi everyone,

I'm feeling really low. A lot is going on in my life that I don't want to get into, but the end result is that I'm coping in an unsafe way which makes me feel way better anyway: I'm restricting my food intake. I don't feel like I want to lose a massive amount of weight, but yeah I have a lighter goal weight in mind... The biggest thing is that my anxiety is reduced a lot when I kinda starve myself, whether or not I lose much weight from that.

I do have a tendency to drop weight fairly fast, I think because my body weight usually stays pretty stable (and healthy); so my metabolism doesn't slow too much even when I'm messing with my eating (restricting my food intake).

Six months ago I ended up in the ER for restricting my food intake so much I got sick. My weight was actually still normal but I was diagnosed again with anorexia (now the medidal field understands people can have anorexia at normal and even higher weights) but it was pretty scary all the same...

But maybe right now I kind of don't care if I get sick again? Yet at the same time it would cause me a lot of problems in my life if I had to go to the hospital again. I know this consciously.

I'm not sure which kinds of responses I'm hoping for but I feel angry, very sad, useless, lazy *and* determined (which seems odd to me), apathetic, hopeless and suicidal.

But starving/ restricting does boost my baseline mood at least a bit. So it makes sense why I'm doing this.

😐

P.S. Please pardon any formatting issues, my phone hates the mobile version of SF.
 
#2
I'm not sure which kinds of responses I'm hoping for but I feel angry, very sad, useless, lazy *and* determined (which seems odd to me), apathetic, hopeless and suicidal.
Sorry that you're feeling so bad

I like making suggestions, so I could do that if you'd like

I hope that things can get better soon
 
#4
You're welcome! :)

If the main thing you want to do is reduce your anxiety, there might be a better way to do that than restricting food.

Personally, I found that not consuming anything raw, served cold, or that wasn't freshly cooked helped a lot in reducing my anxiety.

I'm like a broken record recommending acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine here, but it can help with a lot of conditions, and there's some world-class Chinese medicine available in San Francisco. Community-style clinics and teaching clinics are a lower-cost option than private clinics, if cost is an issue. Acupuncture was recently endorsed by the World Health Organization.

Meditation or yoga might help with reducing anxiety. A member here (Sunday16) has recommended a smart-phone app called "Insight Timer".
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#5
Very familiar with that high I get when I dont eat for a couple of days straight. Its a nice feeling for me and I go into different plane of reality IMO havent done it in a long while now that I think back on it. Mediation was so easy. I thing some food can be used to heal ourselves. What you have to gain/lose when restricting? I think for the time being look at your food as a preventative medicine if hospitalization is around that corner. Food is everything to us in some sense. I dont know if it makes any sense or relate to you anyhow.

Good luck getting this tackled.
 

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#6
I don't know you, but I do think sometimes when we do something to manipulate our weight or our bodies, it's more about having control over something than it is about the body itself. And I guess you have said it, that you're experiencing some problems.

I don't know what to add to that, but I hope you don't end up in the hospital again, and that you can find a way to work through whatever is making you feel so sad. Take care.
 

paperdreamroll

Well-Known Member
#7
Hi everyone,

I'm feeling really low. A lot is going on in my life that I don't want to get into, but the end result is that I'm coping in an unsafe way which makes me feel way better anyway: I'm restricting my food intake. I don't feel like I want to lose a massive amount of weight, but yeah I have a lighter goal weight in mind... The biggest thing is that my anxiety is reduced a lot when I kinda starve myself, whether or not I lose much weight from that.

I do have a tendency to drop weight fairly fast, I think because my body weight usually stays pretty stable (and healthy); so my metabolism doesn't slow too much even when I'm messing with my eating (restricting my food intake).

Six months ago I ended up in the ER for restricting my food intake so much I got sick. My weight was actually still normal but I was diagnosed again with anorexia (now the medidal field understands people can have anorexia at normal and even higher weights) but it was pretty scary all the same...

But maybe right now I kind of don't care if I get sick again? Yet at the same time it would cause me a lot of problems in my life if I had to go to the hospital again. I know this consciously.

I'm not sure which kinds of responses I'm hoping for but I feel angry, very sad, useless, lazy *and* determined (which seems odd to me), apathetic, hopeless and suicidal.

But starving/ restricting does boost my baseline mood at least a bit. So it makes sense why I'm doing this.

😐

P.S. Please pardon any formatting issues, my phone hates the mobile version of SF.
I’m going through the worst depressive episode I’ve had in years, and I’m sliding back into food restriction as a form of “u don’t deserve food” ,, diff than ur situation but what I’m tryna say is that ,, I understand the drive for it and I can relate a lot, u are not alone ,
 

paperdreamroll

Well-Known Member
#8
I don't know you, but I do think sometimes when we do something to manipulate our weight or our bodies, it's more about having control over something than it is about the body itself. And I guess you have said it, that you're experiencing some problems.

I don't know what to add to that, but I hope you don't end up in the hospital again, and that you can find a way to work through whatever is making you feel so sad. Take care.
Defff a control things,,, it’s a bad way of getting that control but it’s very real ://
 

CandleLight

Well-Known Member
#10
I'm back, in more ways than one...

I truly forgot I wrote the OP. Currently I hope to restrict my eating for long enough that it forces me all the way out of existence, but I'm doing so quite slowly.

I'm feeling really lost, depressed and angry.

I do wonder how long this might take.
 

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#11
I'm back, in more ways than one...

I truly forgot I wrote the OP. Currently I hope to restrict my eating for long enough that it forces me all the way out of existence, but I'm doing so quite slowly.

I'm feeling really lost, depressed and angry.

I do wonder how long this might take.
Have you been able to discover, find, or "figure out?" What is at the Heart of all this for you (just in terms of it's 'root,' / cause, that is)?
I know that it is sometimes been suggested, or said, that if you can get to the bottom of this - let's say it's a feeling of "self-worth," or lack thereof; just as a 'for instance...' Then the thinking lies, in that sometimes, if we can correct or help to rectify this problem, or way of thinking & seeing; or more, "feeling" about how we view ouselves. Then it can make it easier to manage/handle & address, the issues with food.

However I know that no two cases are 'exactly,' the same~ And so, therefore, yours is one in which would need (to be examined-or,) "examining," on its own. By a psychiatrist, or someone who specialized in eating disorders. Sometimes in patient, they can begin to tackle this. But if they'd set forth a very "doable" plan; & you are unable to follow through, for whatever reason. . . Or they fail to set you up with the right kind of services & treatment - from professionals (& the right kind, at that). Then this can be a difficult task to accomplish.

Just know that there is "hope." There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And that many have stood in your shoes before, and been able to tackle this. (&) ~with! Success... :)
 

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