I used to be a really bad person. I've done a lot of bad things and I feel horribly guilt ridden about all of them. I mean, if I told you what I'd done and how I'd been most people would just say I'm being stupid and it's all part of growing up. But the things I've done and the way I have acted tear me up. It's the one thing I am struggling with that I don't have an answer for. I know how to 'fix' all of my other problems. Even if they will be difficult I know what the solution is and that is a weight off my shoulders, but with this... I just don't have one. I don't know what to do. I suppose in order to really get help I have to 'fess up. So I'll just mention a few things. I want to talk to a counsellor but I have to wait until the new year to get a new one, so I'm sort of just stuck in limbo right now. - I was really promiscuous. Mostly it was just to fit in, I even lost my virginity to a one night stand. All of this haunts me every day. When I think about how used I was by men and convinced myself I was Samantha from Sex and The City (i.e. I was the one using them). It just wasn't true. I was being used. - I used to exploit and use my friends. I used to try to get them to hate each other by spreading rumours because I wanted to be top dog. I wanted to be the most popular one and the 'good one'. This probably started from as early as about age 3 or 4 and I did this well into my twenties! - I used to sabotage peoples good fortune. If I was jealous of someone... I'd sabotage them. I'd set them up to fail, by whatever means possible. Even if that person was close to me and called me their best friend. It used to be all the more sweet because they'd come running to me when things would go wrong, and I'd have open arms. Without them realising things had gone wrong at the hands of me. Someone once said to me, go back and confess and apologise. But I have thought about this so much. I just can't do it. I'd imagine most people would tell me where to go, I don't even speak to 99% of those people anymore as it is, so I'm just a distant memory and to even remember all of the things I did - we'd be here all day. I just don't know how to get over and move on from all of this. These are just some of the things, there's sadly more.