Hi I'm new here. I just wanted to post in case anyone can relate. I'm 23/f. I have a history of mental health issues (depression, psychosis etc). I don't have problems with severe psychosis any more but I do get periodic paranoia and quite intense intrusive thoughts. Since a traumatic incident in December last year I feel I have been increasingly unable to cope and function normally. I do not feel ready to process this event with counselling and I am struggling with intense anger about the way the police handled it, even though the outcome was ok in the end for me, I feel humiliated. When I tried to raise this with the police they pretty much fobbed me off and the investigating officer made some hurtful remarks towards me. I've been arrested on a section 136 and had contact with the police on numerous occasions because of mental health issues - recently exacerbated by a drink problem I have developed. I am attending a 12 step programme and in recovery for this but my initial intention was to drink myself to death. Now I am not drinking but still suicidal. I feel worthless, inadequate, hopeless, and on the morning of every day just beyond despair. I'm also frustrated with the way professionals handle me - for instance on a couple of occasions after being taken to A&E in an ambulance, I was left on a trolley for 9 hours without seeing anyone. I then left the hospital and felt it was an utter waste of time and resources. I take antidepressants which do not seem to do an awful lot, see a nice psychiatrist every 6 months, who seems to be somewhat puzzled by me, and have a "care co-ordinator" who never seems to be in the office. I fear telling her my feelings as last time I did that she suggested hospital which is absolutely the last place I want to be again. I feel stuck without options and stuck in a predicament of being on a circular path of self hatred. Therapy options are limited, professionals are stressed and unavailable, and my family remain angry and confused about me. I wish I knew what to do, or say, or how to feel content.