I have some problems with my paranoid schizophrenia and asperger syndrome. I take some medications against psychosis, and I think they make me ill. I have problems with my heart and full anxiety when I lay in bed. Also I have some confusion and delusions. I have taken this specific medication for over 1 year. But the medication comes in capsule form, which means I am supposed to eat a grand meal before taking the capsule, elsewise it wont have the full effect on an empty stummach. But I cant eat so early in the morning and 8 pm is too late for me to eat as I eat early afternoon usually. I feel like the doctor thinks this is right medication, because I havent been admitted for over a year but this is only about enduring for my part. Every day is a challenge and God is not there for me. Not Jesus either. I have everything on my own shoulders, and I have gone past the limit for what I can handle and I need to end this suffering but I think im too weak to get the courage to end it. So im stuck in the enduring and hopelessness, and God dont care at all.