Struggling

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by mpang123, May 5, 2013.

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  1. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Hello, I've been struggling with intense urges for me to overdose again. I just want to be unconscious, or so delirious that I will be out of reality. I've done this before and now I'm wishing to do it again. I don't really want to kill myself, but if I do, then it will be my fault and face God. I've been fighting these thoughts for many days now and it's getting to the point that it's so ridiculous. I am fantasizing about being under the influence of a drug overdose. I actually like the experience afterwards. However, when I think of reality, I have too much to risk. I live alone now but I might have to give up my apartment if I cannot show that I'm capable of taking care of myself while living alone. I don't want to end up in a personal care home where my rights and independence is taken away from me. I might become a vegetable or sustain serious damage to my organs. I hope my struggles with myself will end up positively, but right now, everything seems possible, good or bad.
     
  2. dvnj22

    dvnj22 Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel, I did the same with my Xanax many times to escape. When you feel like doing thins think about how you "might become a vegetable or sustain serious damage to my organs". Sometimes we need to escape, but there are safer better ways to escape. Pm me anytime if you want to talk.
     
  3. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I'm trying so hard to distract myself from doing stupid things but I'm running out of ideas. I called the crisis line severalttimes already, i journaled, I took walks in the sun, I talked to my neighbors, I read a book, i cooked and cleaned, listened to music,and posted here. I'm obsessed and can't shake it off. Why am I testing myself? I pray for strength and keep distracting myself and stay safe. I'm just sick and tired of this bs.
     
  4. dvnj22

    dvnj22 Well-Known Member

    I know, I'm tired too. But giving into these thoughts will only make it worse. I Hope tomorrow is a better day for you. Like I said you can talk anytime to me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 5, 2013
  5. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your support. I did a good thing awhile ago. I gave the medicine I wanted to overdose on to a neighbor to hold for me until my case worker comes see me on Tuesday and then I will give it to him to hold on to. He usually monitors the meds for me. Now I'm very relieved and not suicidal anymore.
     
  6. dvnj22

    dvnj22 Well-Known Member

    I'm happy for you man. Just hang in there and things get better.
     
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