I needed to vent and I have no one I can talk to. I want to die. I hate myself and I hate that I am going to ruin my children's life by being their mum. I have thought about my choices and I either leave them with my husband and go away or I end my life. The only thing stopping me is worrying about how my husband would cope financially if I were gone and whether it would affect my children. They are still young so they might not even remember me in a few years. I am sat here crying as I type this with my youngest child on my lap, I love my children so much, they are everything to me,my whole world and would hate to not be around for them growing up but I think that they would be so much better off without me. They deserve so much more and they are going to end up like me if I stay in their lives and I love them too much to let that happen.