Strugglin badly. Ex has me in such a state that I can't get control of myself. Tried to reach out and talk earlier but I had to shut the conversation down fast. Panicked feelings took over-need for drugs took over which led to me having to resort to my backup plan. Ventured into the chat here but felt so uncomfortable and watched. What's going on with me? I can't deal with this anymore. I desperate to get out of this life but too weak to go through with it.