Struggling

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by K8E, Aug 12, 2014.

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  1. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Sorry guys,
    I feel really selfish for posting this as I know so many of you and so many people in the world have a much harder life.
    I am so tired and struggling with thoughts and a desire to end my life. I've got a lot of health problems and have been in varying amounts of pain for the last 20 years. The last straw is another two painful conditions that I've developed in the last few months.
    The depression is back full force. I keep crying, even in public and don't see the point in going on. I started a new contraceptive pill last week and since then I've been getting worse, but don't see the point in trying to do anything about it because this illness always, always comes back. Hearing about Robin Williams has also triggered stuff for me...... If even he couldn't carry on what chance do I have?
    I'm going through a very sad divorce, have a job that I barely cope with (due back in a couple of weeks), struggle with money because of the divorce, have very few friends and my fatigue restricts activity or pursuing hobbies that would get me out. My partner is a brilliant mathematician and I mean world class and my intellect was the only thing that I thought I was good at. It turns out I'm actually very stupid, slow forgetful, no concentration, nothing to show for decades of life and I'm actually just another of life's f*** ups. (Those are my words btw not his!! He is very supportive as a serious depressive himself.)
    Lots of potential when I was younger, multiple careers, multiple breakdowns and two failed marriages later there's not a lot left.
    I'm scared that I'm actually going go to do this. The more I hear of others doing it (I collect news stories - weirdo) the more I realize it it possible.
     
  2. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Thanks for listening guys even if you couldn't reply. Waiting for an emergency visit from the crisis team.
     
  3. LoganMorgan

    LoganMorgan Member

    What the hell K8E? I'm interested. Look, your life is a mess, but you're clearly quite smart. I'll bet you're funny too. You can get beyond this to a better day, I just know it. Please hang in there and see what comes next.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I think Robin Williams death has had an effect on a lot of people, even those who don't suffer depression, and it has made people open up more. Just my opinion, but a lot of people seem to be talking about their troubles more since the news of his tragic death. And yes you are very clever, hang in there KBE. We do care!! :hug:
     
  5. Yoko Odinhart

    Yoko Odinhart Well-Known Member

    I don't think you're a weirdo. I do that too. People who have depression are often obsessed with it, and look for others they can relate to.

    I hope you can hang in there!!!! No matter what, there is a light somewhere. It'll be hard to find, but it there. Be strong!
     
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