Struggling

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by K8E, Nov 15, 2014.

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  1. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    I am within one mile of a multi-storey car park and have a 250ml bottle of a drug which would definitely kill me within reach.
    I hate myself and do not see any future.
    A colleague has a fraction of my problems and has everyone running around looking after her, giving her presents, weekends away and generally caring for her.
    I struggle to maintain relationships and have been diagnosed as having 'quiet BPD'. I can and do appear functional but frequently self harm and wish that I was dead.
    I have completely screwed up my life. On my second divorce and living with another abusive man, am about to lose my job, my adult child is rarely in touch and can't pay my bills.
    I have chronic pain and ongoing health problems.
    Why am I still here?
    I hate myself for being so self pitying and pathetic.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, you are important and please do not do anything as you need to remain calm. Please PM me and let's talk in private. You have been a great member on this site. Do not think anything less. I would like you to ring Samaritans and speak to someone. They will help you to understand as your life is important. Please do not fret now.
     
  3. alanabanana

    alanabanana Member

    I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so badly. I'm almost at the end of my rope too with being unable to pay bills. I'm trying to get on disability to keep myself afloat, but we'll see how it goes. Is that a possibility for you?

    Please think carefully before doing what you're considering... It might be a good idea to get rid of the drug that you're thinking about using. Is there someone who can help with that?
     
  4. Sioni

    Sioni Member

    I seem to have a few things in common with you. Im on the verge of loosing my job and also so stressed out in regards to paying bills. I dont have anyone to turn to or talk to so i totally get how youre feeling. Talking here to others has been a help tonight. I only joined today and i already feel like i did a positive thing doing that. It wont sort my problems out i know but its a start. I hope you find comfort by talking to others here and feel free to chat with me if you feel like it
     
  5. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Thank you both of you for replying. I am sorry that life is so hard. I know that I have made bad decisions.....but somehow feel driven to them at the same time by my mental health problems. I don't know.......it is complicated. Disability may be a possibility, but I think I'm in the trap of too sick to work, too well to get disability and I'm not prepared to lie. Just want out. But have to hang on because I'm in someone else's house right now....
    My mother 'helpfully' pointed out a site that a woman committed suicide from this afternoon...It's not her fault, they know I'm down but don't know the real extent and would have absolutely no understanding anyway. They were part of the problem when I was growing up.
     
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