Thank you,
i've already called the hotiline but didnt do much since it's easter and told me to call after holidays.
i've fallen back to what was more familiar... cutting, drinking, writing, reaching out here...
but the problem is nobody can do anything for me if i dont want to live...
and on one hand i do want to live or i wouldnt struggling so much, but on the other, bigger hand voices in my head says "what for?" "got enough of it, end it all". and i cant stop the voices.
tomorrow i see my doc. i could be hospitalized but i dont want. i've already tried that too and it didnt help, on contrary made it all worse
i dont know how to get on living anymore. im struggling to just breath and pass the following minute, the next second. its really hard and im so so so tired.
i want the pills and i want out. easiest way, but cant see any light at the end of the tunnel...