Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dying_inside, Jun 12, 2011.

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  1. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    Struggling not to take those pills, not to overdose... even though i want it so bad right now.

    the numbness i felt a few days ago has slowly given place to feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, to an urge of ending it all right now, today, NOW.

    my mom tries to make me snap out of it, to get over it, to have the will and the strenght to live and to do something with my life. but i cant. i stay in bed all day. and im tired of it but dont have the energy or the will to do anything else.

    an overdose is all i can think about, all i want.
  2. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    why now? stay with us- PM if you need.
    take care
    :hug: :arms:
  3. llew

    llew Member

    an overdose is all im thinking about too my friend, your not alone.
    just dont let go of this safty line, push thru it, i will if you will.
  4. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    practically if you get i wrong it will leave you with lasting damage, a cut will heal, blood can be replaced, not all your organs can.

    keep fighting, you found a support group- thats what you will get.

    hugs to you both
  5. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    i am hardly resisting the urge.

    each day it is harder and harder to get through the day.

    i keep hurting because i dont have friends, but it is my fault for i have purposely isolated myself during the last years.

    i keep feeling guilty for i have quitted studying, but nobody made me quit, it's all my fault for i cant focus anymore, for all my focus is going toward my own death.

    i keep whining about the job that i have quitted which was a part time job that i actually liked but i also couldnt stand anymore. i should look for another job, but i cant imagine having to find a new job, adjusting to the change and new people and working all those hours.

    i keep hurting because i dont have a boyfriend and havent had one in 6 years, but the only thought of having one scares me, so it's my fault for i have been hidding from the world for all this time.

    my life cant be called life.
    i hate it and i hate myself for not being able/wanting to do what i should do.
    i prefer dying that trying to live. it would take too much, i dont have it in me to keep trying. i just want it to end.
  6. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    i've just given up and taken a small overdose.

    i guess taking a small one to help through the day is better than taking a real big definitive one.

    i cant, dont know how to cope.

    and when i talk with the doc or my T i dont know what to say. i keep silent.
    how can i express what i think and feel during the week? how do i make them see and understand that im unable to cope with life and live each and every day?

    anyway, i dont know what they could do more than they already do.
    i am beyond help, beyond hope
  7. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    how small a small overdose.

    don't take any more, your never beyond help of hope.

    stay safe- does anyone close know you'v taken an OD?

    stay safe
  8. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    no, nobody knows about my small overdoses. they're becoming a daily thing.

    i dont know how to cope and face the day without them.
  9. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    each day im getting closer and closer to doing it... killing myself.

    this is not life.

    not that anybody could make me do it or not do it, but im just hoping maybe someone who has already "been there, dont that" could share WHY living should be worth it. and HOW should this life be lived.

    i really dont know.
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