I have had a fabulous Christmas break with family and being able to relax, I am now struggling. I have been on an up for a few weeks but now think I am on a downward spiral and when I reach rock bottom I play games with my safety and won't seek help. Luckily I have a psych appointment on the 5th and if I am still reasonably compus mentus will be giving them a load of shit because I am just not happy with my treatment. My hallucinations have been terrifying recently with seeing dead people and the devils face in mirrors and in my teddy bears faces. I have also seen people standing over me while I sleep. My fiance is still here with me so I am safe until he goes on friday but afraid of how I will be afterwards. Just feeling so sad right now. I am sick of feeling shit and sick of being ill with this stupid effing virus.